My mother has never learned how to drive. My father did everything for her. She is too anxiety-ridden and can't pass the preliminary driving test after countless tries. She is somewhat of a hypochondriac and very needy. I am the only child in the area. I work two jobs, have five children and she expects me to give her the same consideration my father gave her which is, essentially, "I want it now!" I live about 25 miles from her and she doesn't understand why I insist on her moving closer to me. She wants her own huge house with all the best my beleaguered father could buy. Incidentally, she never worked a day in her life and my father had to work three jobs to keep up with her champagne taste. He died of lung cancer and heart disease at the age of 68. She worked and nagged him to death. He chain smoked to handle her demands. Now that I've vented, I do know it is my responsibility to take care of her and I am getting better at not showing my true feelings about the situation with the help of a psychiatrist and Cymbalta.

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Sylmap... you dear sweet thing. You need to read some of the threads on these boards regarding demanding mothers. That's a whole other topic of dysfunction and abuse.

But digressing from that. You are going to have a wide array of opinions. What this sounds like is pure full-fledged selfishness on your mom's part. You aren't going to be able to do thing one about that. Let's be honest for those of us who know this similar situation.

Meds can help if it is truly a chemical imbalance, but from just the blurb you posted here I highly doubt it. But what you need to do is follow up with doctors if necessary, watch any kind of changed behaviors and document it. Make sure you put solid support around you whether, its legal, medical or financial. You are going to need it when it comes to this type of personality.

There is nothing wrong with having the heart to care for her, but mentally you need to also be prepared. For many of us God has provided strength and boundaries that no person can put into place on their own. Some people grit there teeth and bear it unassisted. You can't do this alone. Make sure you have a support group in place for you.

My mother due to her ridiculously selfish behaviors (about like your moms) landed her in geriatric psych unit twice. They asked about my mom's base-line behavior and they got the history. You have to be factual about things. They put her on medication for her severe anxiety and severe fears. Those behaviors have accentuated with age. God helps give me the strength to deal with her. Because if it was me alone, I'd walk away permanently. Fortunately she's in assisted living (a whole other story).

Check all your options but get yourself prepared!! We're here for you!


Good for you. Caregiving is very demanding, you are wise to recognize that you need a bit of help. Regardless of well meaning people who suggest you do otherwise, I hope that you will continue on your prudent course - especially having someone to talk to. Once a medication has helped to rebalance your neurotransmitters, you still have work to do - but the work that you do will be productive and make your life better in the long run. Keep on talking and posting.

Cymbalta will only cover, not help with the real problems. Sanity is better than Cymbalta bandaids any day. You and Mom need help, but not the Psychiatric kind. Only God can heal! Doctors just practice...medicine...on you. Go to the great and true Physician, and he will guide you.

You have a lot of work to do, and pills won't take that away. You need support and direction for your Mom. Use her assets to care for her needs

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