I recently posted "Talk to my mother's dr! Ugh

If you have read my post you know that I called my mother's Dr because I have been seeing signs of dementia. I talk to the receptionist about my concerns & asked her to put a note in my mother's file for the Dr. The receptionist not only refused to do this, but when I asked her not to tell my mother that I called & it would start trouble the receptionist said, "oh well, you should not have called". I know all to well the HIPPA laws & I understand why it is in place. ( I did not asked for any information on my mother)!

Fortunately, for me things did worked out so far. As if the receptionist wanted to start a fight?!

In my post I got some great advice and some that well, I just leave aside.

I have noticed that there is a lot of us adult children who are taking care of LO who we may not get along with for what ever reason; maybe, from childhood or perhaps due to the illness. Whatever the case may be, we try to get them dx so, we have a better understanding of our LO & the disease.

But what do you do when you go to medical professionals who either refuses to listen to you, or they rat you out knowing, not knowing, or perhaps don't care if it creates more barriers for you to help your LO who can not help themselves?

Research shows that Alz/dementia causes injuries to the brain. I have read on this forum people describing the person having this disease as having a "broken brain", which by all accounts is true!

So that brings me to my point: HIPPA is put in place as a safety measure to protect people's privacy. But who protects the LO from themselves? I am in "no way" saying to disregard HIPPA, but what I am saying, why can't the medical professionals just simply look into our (adult childrens) concerns and keep it under raps? Why cause more problems for those who are involved? Why make things harder than they already are?

If we see a LO making big life decisions that not only hurt themselves but other family members, shouldn't we be able to stop them?

Or do we just let people with "broken brains" out into the world and hope for the best?

Great example: your LO is showing a decline mentally but refuses to listen to you and states that they are find, gets behind the wheel of a car and gets in a car accident and kills someone. Who's fault is it? Theirs for having a broken brain (which they have no control over), yours for not stepping in (because Doctors won't listen to you or you fear the aftermath of the Dr ratting you out), or the Drs?

Another example, a LO gets scammed out of their life savings due to having Alz/dementia (with no dx), but you tried to get them help before the scam happened, however, you were unsuccessful because the medical professionals won't write a note for the Dr, or the Dr just didn't feel like doing it, or out of fear of having the backlash of being ratted out by Dr's who took an "oath of duing no harm to their pts",

Are doctors really keeping their oath?

What do you think? What has been your experience on getting a LO dx?

*Please do not post about taking the keys away from LO, or about getting a POA's because in my state there are 3 ways of writing POA's & in my mother's case a Dr must sign and give a reason why my mother can no longer make her own decisions.

*Take into a count that the LO refuses to believe anything is wrong and/or is distrusting of caregiver and/or is just downright mean/hateful!

Sorry for being so long!

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Seems like a lot of folks throw out the term HIPPA and they don’t really understand what it is. Or just don’t want to deal with us! I would tell the receptionist, etc. HIPPA protects the LO health info. That means the receptionist cannot give you info. (Even tell you if the LO is a patient). I say fine I don’t want any info—I want provide info/message that can be put into a patient file for the doc.

I have an adult son with severe schizophrenia and I have dealt with this in the past. Docs tell me I can call and leave as much info as I want about how he is doing—they might not be able to talk to me or call me back —if my son has not authorized me as someone the doc can talk to.

PS. I reported my MIL (anonymously) to the DMV about driving and dementia. It’s an online form. She had to find a doc that would say she was OK to drive.

Hope this is helpful.

Hello I can certainly understand your situation is tough however in a lot of facilities as I have worked in healthcare since I was of the age of fourteen from activities on to a nurses assistant I do know that with The Hippa policy it protects both the patients and the healthcare professionals and they use the Hippa policy a lot you have to be very cautious on information being given concerning the patient however there are contracts the the patients family members have to sign regarding the Hippa policy and residents rights etc. just make sure you read the contracts thoroughly before signing anything hope this helps

I think that there are a couple of factors in play here; one is of course WHO you communicate with in the dr's office.

My usual MO is to fax or email the doctor before the appointment with my concerns. I would be equally comfortable slipping the nurse at the desk a note for the dr. to read.

You can GIVE any information you like to the doctor. If you want to cover yourself as having reported something officially, you send it return receipt via US.Mail.

The other factor that I see in many of these posts runs along the line of "the doctor will tell my mother what I reported".

So what?

If you parent gets angry at you for trying to help them, that's on them. If they don't want your help, then step away. And DON'T clean up their finances.

I am not trying to control my mother, although it may seem that way. I just want her to stop making bad financial mistakes and not to drive. I am tried of cleaning up after her finances. My mother is reckless in every way a person can be.
But you are right Isthisrealyreal HIPPA is very different from POA's.
When my mother drives I just pray too that she doesn't kill anyone.
But the nice thing is winter is coming and she has stated that she doesn't want to drive in the snow.

This disease has brought out the worst side of her. As it probably does for a lot of people.

Will your mom sign a HIPPA release for you? Different then a POA, it just allows you access to information.

That receptionist needs to be retrained, but I have to say I watched my best friend of 20 years turn into a rotten cretin when she went to work for a doctor, you would have thought she went to school for 12 years to get the degree. It was really sad and it ended our friendship. Since that experience I have watched and it seems to be part of the culture in that industry.

Heres the thing, just because you have a dx, doesn't mean that your LO can't still do whatever they want. They must be declared incompetent by a judge and it takes 2 doctors reports.

POA is not intended as a license for control, it is so you can do what your LO asks of you. Yes, eventually it means you have control but that's not the intent behind them.

My dad has a dx of dementia and still drives and does whatever he wants, the ombudsman told him he could. So if my dad kills someone it is on the ombudsman that told him he can do whatever he wants. Destroyed all my efforts to keep him and others safe.

I have prayed that he hurts or kills no one, I have to trust that.

That is what I did, however, that is easier than said. My mistake was talk to the receptionist. But Countrymouse and a few others gave good adive. Talk to the dr's nurse, oe the MA, write a note to the Dr.. I have a post here "Talk to my mother's Dr! Ugh
Maybe you can find that post or hopifully get some good advise here.

Good Luck

My brother and I have been trying to speak with my mother's doctor about her decline. Neither of us is listed as a person the physician can share information with... but I would be happy to just share MY information with the DOCTOR.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter