It's been suggested to me that my mother could possibly be evaluated for Hospice, but I'm not sure and no one at her NH has suggested it. Here are the facts:
1. Wheelchair bound - does not transfer at all.
2. Incontinent with bladder and bowel.
3. Does not speak, with the exception of a "Hello" or "Hi Mom" once every few weeks.
4. Vacant stare slightly down and to the left or right. No eye contact. She may see you if you get in her line of vision. Otherwise you can wave your hand in front of her face and she won't follow with her eyes.
5. The thing is, she still has an appetite. She has to be fed, but she eats.
6. If she is steady right now and then taken off of her meds and then declines rapidly and passes away, would that be killing her? I don't think her meds help anything, as I have reviewed videos from year after year and she is worse than the year before. Not sure it can get worse for next year. Does anyone have experience with this?
I got more help than I could have imagined.
I got supplies and equipment that made it possible for better care for my Husband.
I had a Nurse come in 1 time a week to check him
I had a CNA 2 times a week at first then as he declined the CNA came 3 times a week.
I had volunteers that I could have had come and visit with him while I got errands done.
But more important I got emotional support and education that helped me emotionally and physically.
So bottom line if there is any question have your loved one evaluated. If they do not qualify today they may in a short while.
My LO has a good appetite too, but, she still qualified for Hospice. We'll see what happens at review time. If she declines as much in the next 6 months as she has the last, I don't think she'll make it. I just want her days as comfortable for her as possible, as I know she is terminally ill.
For the most part, you could’ve been describing my dad. The exceptions being that he still walks some with a walker and can feed himself until he forgets what he was supposed to be doing.
I was fortunate enough to be able to have a conversation about end-of-life wishes with my parents years before it was needed.
15 years ago, we had to make the decision to take our mother off machines that were keeping her alive. She had been through a successful surgery, but then went into a coma and got worse as her organs shut down.
I took care of my father for 14 years at his home; shortly after going into a memory care facility, he was hospitalized with aspiration pneumonia. The hospital suggested hospice; they have been a godsend! He has been with them for over a year now; he still has a good appetite but sometimes forgets to swallow his food and saliva. Hospice told us that we needed to start thinking about how we wanted to handle another bout of aspiration pneumonia: treat him with antibiotics or start comfort care. If they treat him with antibiotics, he will never get over the pneumonia; it will be easier to reoccur because he has forgotten how to cough when asked. He will be 91 y/o in February; he periodically asks me to take him home to see his mom and dad, and is in the last stage of Lewey body dementia. We chose to sign a DNR order and go with comfort care; he has been healthy until the pneumonia last year. I know this is what he would want. I don’t consider this as ‘killing him or letting him die’; I consider this as following his EOL wishes.
Has your mother been diagnosed with a dementia or terminal illness? If so, I would go with finding a hospice company to evaluate her to see if she is eligible. They are quite helpful; not only do they have a RN personally assigned as a caseworker for her, but they also have a social worker and chaplain, and an aid that will visit at least twice a week to bathe her. They also help supply personal care/hygiene and incontinence products. Take all the help you can get; this journey is hard for both of you.
I based my decision on calling in Hospice for my mom after taking a hard objective look at what her quality of life was and if she was expected to improve.
I enrolled my mother in hospice twice as the first time she recovered enough & wasn’t considered terminal.
The next year mom had a stroke and she was pretty much debilitated when I enrolled her the second time. While she could eat some, she declined to the point where that was not really my mother. My mom was vibrant and busy, doing crossword puzzles, reading the paper & being her cantankerous self.
Her last stroke took that all away. I enjoyed hospice for her as the Chaplin was a frequent visitor, the hospice aide played her Big Band music & kept her pain free.
Hospice is not killing anyone, hospice provides support to family and the person to die with dignity and let nature take it course.
I hope my story was helpful to you as you make your decision. I’m confident we make the correct decision (my brother & I).
Hope you find peace.
These arguments have gone on for millennia in different forms. Doctors running double blind trials have been accused of ‘killing’ the control group that was given placebos (that’s if the drug being trialled actually worked). Modern research makes it quite clear that many doctors’ treatments in the past did actually kill people – eg thousands of years of purging and bloodletting for people who were already frail and weak. Palliative care has been accused of killing people by failing to go ahead with operations that have a 90% chance of failure. There are many criticisms of doctors who continue to treat people in order to bill them for expensive and useless treatment.
My own belief is that we should provide pain relief and comfort to elderly people so that we provide quality of life as long as it is possible. Swallowing mashed food that is spooned into the mouth is not quality. When quality of life has gone, we let nature take its course – we leave it up to God. Best wishes for a peaceful end for your mother, and a clear conscience for you.