but can't take much more. I'm actually wishing I had some reason to take mom to the ER or hospital because cannot deal with her issues on our own anymore. We had a Dr's appt last week and I insisted on a cognitive test which they are setting up but still haven't heard back from them since ever since COVID everything moves super slow. She's beyond forgetful and the list goes on. She cannot be left at home alone for any length of time for fear of something happening and getting outside help at this point isn't an option. This is basically just a vent but I wish the system would just move a little quicker. We need some respite here and that is not even an option because of the places that offer it in our area are not doing it because of the COVID so its like a lose lose situation. Thanks for listening........
She’s now with hospice at my sibling’s home. I did more than my share.
You sound like you are exhausted and exasperated! I felt the same.
Actually, I wasn't trying to tell you not to sweat the small stuff as there's nothing small about any of it. Nor was I trying to make light of your situation. I was just trying to give you a few ideas of how to get a break from it even if it's for a few minutes. The music suggestions was just to help alleviate severe stress.
The other thing is - I'm not cut out to be a caregiver either but, I'm it in a sense - there is no one else who lives in our state and even if there were, they wouldn't take care of her anyway and I could never, ever abandon her. I oversaw her for ten years after my dad died in 2004 while she still lived in the home I grew up in. When she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2014, I knew she could no longer stay in her home alone and my husband and I couldn't move in with her and she couldn't move in with us so I had to find an ALF to move her into. I was not capable of providing the type of care she needed. The sheer stress of just moving her, going through the house by myself with over 50+ years of stuff my parents accumulated, then selling the house nearly killed me literally. I had to have emergency surgery while I had been given a prognosis of dying from a massive stroke or going permanently blind - I was only 53 years old!
So I'm definitely not one to be admired and I hope there will be some other commenters who will be able to offer you the type of advice you need or are looking for.
I’m just not cut out for this caregiving which I feel terrible for saying but not fair to Mom either since she’s probably not getting the best care she needs. I admire many of you for doing what you do but at the same time not everyone is cut out for this.
I know you feel bad for thinking the way you do but, just realize all of us caregivers at one time or another (actually, a lot more than one time) are at our wits end and feel we can' take much more. But, somehow, someway we pick ourselves up and start anew with each day - or maybe even hour!
You're right - the pandemic has only made everything so much harder and I understand your frustration with how super slow everything moves especially when you are trying so hard to get your mom a cognitive test. Is the doctor a family physician or a Neurologist?
In the meantime while you're waiting for the appointment, try this with your mom: tell her the names of three objects like telephone, television and microwave; wait a few minutes and ask her to repeat them back to you. Secondly, draw a face of a clock showing all 12 numbers in the right places; tell her a time let's say 5:00 and have her draw the hands showing 5:00. See how she does, as this is often used to let someone know further evaluation is necessary. Just a thought.
For a respite, since you can't leave her alone for any length of time and places who offer it aren't doing it because of the pandemic - can you maybe take a room and make it into a sanctuary that you could escape to even if it's for 10 or 15 minutes. You can just try to use items you already have but, turn it into a small haven. Maybe small candles and if you're concerned about them being a danger, you can always buy the little battery operated tealights but, still put them in pretty holders. Add some soft music - there are lots of beautiful ones with scenery on you tube - one is put out by "Soothing Relaxation" and another one I listen to is "Tim Janis."
I wish you both well in these trying times!
My sweet LO had active Covid for three weeks. I live a couple miles from her LO and the other POA lives over a thousand miles away. I’ve always done all of the day to day care, and he writes one check a month. All of her care activities were done through my management. In my state, all of the Covid patients became Medicare covered for the duration of their illnesses.
Because the other POA’s name is above mine in the alphabet, he became her caregiver POA. Chaos. So trust me, I hear you.
Keep the faith, save your strength for the major issues, and let the smaller stuff go for the time being. As long as you are lovingly doing your best, you’ll be heading in the right direction.