“Prison” Report

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As I had posted, finally got mom and dad in an exceptional AL near their home. Moms mobility is gone and she has early dementia and Dad has fallen off the dementia cliff.


Mom is really mad. Says the place is horrible, food terrible, they don’t give her the right meds, it’s boring, how could I dare stick her in this prison!?


Called xmas day:


Me
Hi mom. How ya doing. Merry Xmas. Love ya!


Mom:
Ice cold silence.........


So today I called the nursing director for an update. They are in the midst of a typical adjustment. Mom is grouchy but cooperative and Dad wanders the halls looking for his car. He trips the door alarm a couple times a day but they divert him easily and are not put out with him in the least.


Oh, and they’re still eating everything that is not nailed down.


Dad had a shower!!? No one was killed or injured. These gals are amazing.


I love this facility. They are in reality giving them skilled nursing care for the time being even though they are classified as AL. It cost some big $ but well worth the peace of mind.


I’m not going to try and call mom for awhile. It’s just no use. I think she will adjust to a point but I’ll always be the bad guy in her eyes. I’m getting used to it.

23 Comments

Windy, thanks for the prison report. I know what you are going through can't be easy but your sense of humor does help the rest of us :)

I know this is a huge relief to you to now have your parents living in a elder friendly environment, especially now with the crazy winter weather. No worry of your Dad going out to shovel, unless he tries to help the Maintenance crew. No worry about the power going off in a storm. Good meals [I remembered my Dad had 3 special times each day, breakfast lunch and dinner].

Isn't it interesting seeing how your folks are acting which brings to mind other caregivers here asking questions regarding their own parent in senior living. It's like elders have this playbook which tells them to say "everything is terrible" "can't stand the food" "I want to go home", etc.

Sounds like you pick an excellent facility for your folks.
It's so great that your parents are in a great place. The relief must be enormous. Perhaps, your mom will get more adapted as time goes by.
Yes FF, Dad is still very spry at 87 and could shovel the walks easily. It’s a blessing and a curse with him. I’m glad he’s healthy but it’s hard for the staff to wrangle him.

And yes Sunny, it is such a relief. It still hasn’t completely sunk in.
Windy - I haven't had the chance to weigh in since you first posted about your parents' move to AL, but GREAT JOB!!! I'm so jealous - I wish there was money to move my Mom to AL (though I'm sure her reaction would be no better than your Mom's). I'm so glad you didn't give in and move across the country to help them, or move them in with you. What a great outcome!
Carla, I have lots of issues with my folks refusing to prepare through the years as things were obviously going down hill, but two things they did really saved my ass here. They scrimped, saved and lived like refugees which drove me nuts, and after the deaths of my sibs I was able to get poa, and the ability to handle financial stuff.  They have enough funds for a nice private pay facility for a few years.  They may outlive their money, it’s hard to tell at this point.

During this latest crisis/ move I was able to make it all happen, write some big checks, move money around, deal with accounts and utilities. I’ve got to give my folks credit for all that.

But I’ve had so many talks with mom through the years about making some decisions and changes when she was still able instead of letting it all fall on me. But down the slope they went until the perfect storm of crisis and calamity.

This forum has been such a help through the years. Sharing support and experiences here has been a great education. 

Windy.....great "prison" update! So happy that you, like me, found a great place.....means so much when you are hours and hours away.....Great job, my friend!!.....and thanks for the humor......don't you feel like a huge, weighty boulder of stress has been literally lifted from your shoulders????
Mina, oh yes, huge relief. Thanks for your kind words.
Windy, just (((((((hugs)))))))). You are the BEST Child ever!!!!!@@@!!!
Barb, my mom would disagree.....
Of course she disagrees! She’s biased. We’re impartial. ^_-
We think you’re the best. :)

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