Is it safe to move an elder with dementia to another state?


I am planning to move to another state, and I am having a hard time trying to decide if I am doing the right thing to take my 81 year old mother who has dementia. See I have no support here at all and a friend in Tacoma, WA is trying to help me start over and has provided me with a lot of resources and support to get started. I dont really want to leave mom here because I dont trust my sisters and uncle would even go visit her, but on the other hand I have to try to get my mom to fly from here,(Maryland). I am going to try to have the assisted home already set up in fact I am going to visit first before I make my final decision. Am I making a mistake by taking my sole caregiver duties to another state?

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denise , i traveld by car with my dad over thousand miles away , it was hell but well worth it ! now he s in my home happy as ever ! im his full time caregiver and i am so glad to be able to do it . i brought my cna daughter with me and it took 2 of us to handle my dad .
but it all works out . and i wish u the very best and youre a good sweet daughter to go out of your way for ur mom . bless you . xoxo
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Thank you you all for your responses to my questions regarding moving mom. I am going to visit Wa first before my final decision, and I know it will be a different struggle but at least there will be some support and friends to talk to there. Can you imagine sitting around all day not talking to anyone!!! My plan b Ed is stay in Baltimore, find a small Assisted living home that my mom money can pay for and ju go thru the motions daily. I dont want to go thru the motions because I am outgoing even though I am very private. I like to make things work for me and it bothers me when I cant function
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Moving your mom is not a mistake if you're willing to see her and spend quality time with her on a frequent basis. NA makes a great point about getting her used to the idea of moving. If it were me, I'd get well established in my new state, be absolutely SURE I will remain there for YEARS and THEN begin planning for the move.

Also be careful about finances if you move her! If she's receiving medicaide now, moving her might be impossible. To qualify for medicaide in another state she must establish residency THEN apply - in some states this takes 6 months!! Clearly understand the medicaide requirements in the new state before you contemplate moving her. You should also find a new doctor for her BEFORE moving her. Many doctors are limiting or excluding medicare patients due to slow payment so it could be difficult to find a new doc for her. I'm saying all this with the assumption that YOU are your mom's Power Of Attorney, have access to checking, medical records etc.....
Best of luck!!
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Your practical wisdom continues to amaze me! ... Remind me to bow before you when we meet in person, okay?


Definitely visit the Evergreen State. Naheaton said it all. There's a lot to do there, and the breathtaking scenery will sit quite well with your mom. ... If WA doesn't work out, do you have a Plan B?

-- ED
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My mother-in-law has dementia and her short term memory is in the crapper now. But that's all the farther the dementia has gone thus far. But when her husband died, the shock of that threw her dementia into full tilt and she never returned back to her more normal self. So I know that shock and sudden change can do that. If it were me, I would start talking every single day about the move to her. My mother-in-law can't remember things until they become old information, which means that I have to repeat myself constantly to her, then she may remember a few things. So start talking about the move, the plane ride, the new place she'll be living and repeat it till she can actually remember a few things about the move. If she's like my m-i-l she will remember eventually, like I said when it becomes old information. At least that's what I have found to be true.
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