What happens if I need to have an operation of my own?
Those of you who are 'regulars' may remember that I am mom's only caregiver, she is 94 with congestive heart falure and hemoglobin insufficiency. No, there are no family members, church members, club members or any friends who are at flexable enough to step in and help with 24 hour care. We cannot afford live-in help. She is also demanding and narcissisic if anyone remembers my posts. I have mentioned a couple times that at 68, I have a few medical problems of my own. The most important of these is that I was diagnosed with a heart murmer a few years ago, and they have monitored me since then, The latest echo indicates a general weakening of my heart muscle, and the aortic regergitation has gotten worse. Doctor suggests that although an immediate decision is not necessary, within about 6 months I need to consider surgery. All that is one thing, but the main obsticle is mom. Her hospice nurse called Friday to check up on her and I told her this on the phone that I had told mom but she passed it off. The nurse said "Your mother surely would not do anything to jeperdize your health, would she?", to which I replied "Sure she would if it meant giving up her own comfort." The nurse was agast, being one who puts their faith in "warm and fuzzy" solutions, but they do not know her like I do. Today the social worker came and mentioned it to mom that I would not be able to take care of her for some time after the operation and that a short stay in a nursing facility can be arranged, there are other arrangements that can be made. Mom said "I'm not going to a nursing home!" (Period). Amy's eyes got about twice as big as they usually are...I do not think she could believe her ears. Mom does not have dimentia or anything except a bad temper and a selfish personality, but she is my responsabillity, end of story.
Has anyone had experience in which a parent without dimentia must be bodily picked up and placed in a care facility when they reuse to go? Mom thinks the whole thing will just go away if she does not think about it or lets me handle it as usual. There are more details that I want to think about myself to prepair for this, considering house, dogs, cat, etc., mom is not helping. Please do not exhort me to "take care of myself" (I try), or "trust in God" (we have never been churchy people). I need something solid..