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Mom had PD (prob Stage 4). For the past 3 wks she's cancelled the shower aide b/c "she's waiting until she feels better". At that rate, St. Peters will be the one giving her the shower b/c she's NOT going to feel better. I've even offered to give her a sponge bath and she hasn't had one of those for at least 12 days!! HELP!! I feel helpless b/c I am unemployed, living in my mom's house and she's paying my upkeep and medical insurance so I dont' feel so comfortable laying down the law. IF it were my house, and I was in charge of the finances it would be a whole different ballgame.

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i feel you maria, i don't have a problem taking card of my grandmother either, but she is also stubborn and headstrong and when you tell her something thats for her own good she refuss because i can't tell her what to do. i tell her to call one of her kids to come get her and she knows they can't take care of her they are all big time drug heads that she do know if she know nothing else. that get in the shower, the HARD part about all of this is the refusing to eat, take meds, shower it is a battle and it very exhausting. she has been full of hell for the last few days and that when it get next to me. stay in prayer is what i do.
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My Mom takes a shower once a week. She's 86, parkinson's, dementia, depression. I added on to my house so she could move in and I could take care of her. I help her get in and out, wash her hair and make sure she took a good shower. I buy special soaps, conditioners, sponges, whatever she sees on TV that she wants to encourage her to bathe. Some days she refuses....we argue and then I pull the trump card, "Well, if you won't let me take care of you then you need nursing home care." This usually does the trick. I explain to her, "You should have better care at home then in a nursing home. Isn't this the reason you've moved in with me???" I've been pulling the "nursing home" card more and more lately with other things. Refusing to keep doctor's appointments, not eating, not taking medications, etc. The constant battles are exhausting. I never dreamed how hard it would be to take care of her! It's not the cooking, cleaning, laundry, meds, appointments, finances, entertainment and the like that are hard. It's the constant refusal to cooperate! She's very stubborn and headstrong. I feel what you are all going through.
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I think your "tough love" idea is needed here. It is a health issue too. Skin can become irritated which can become infected - and UTIs happen so quickly. I hope that she will see how good she feels after her bath. Mom always feels better after a bath and also, when she gets to interact with other people. It's a win-win.
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Thank you! Mom loves the shower aide person but that's all the person is here to do -- not other tasks. She just comes to shower people and goes on to the next house to shower.She has a schedule.Mom will tell me she's "too tired" for her to come. Too tired to have someone come lift you onto the shower chair, give you a shower and put a robe on you and put you back on your wheelchair. I just don't get it -- don't want to either. BUt I am putting my foot down on this!
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I have sooo many stories of trying to convince my Mom to do something that was good for her. It takes hours and even days to convince her...then, she has the nerve to call me and say, "oh, you were right, that was a good idea...." It has literally taken its toll on me.
Have you tried telling her that she is starting to smell? If this does not work, I guess my advice to you is to hire the caregiver to come anyway. Hide the telephone number so she cannot cancel. Then, when the aide is there, hopefully, you can both persuade her to bathe (Mom backs down when there is some else present). If she still refuses, have the aid do other things around the house, while you take a break. Maybe this will help her become more comfortable with the aide, too.
I cannot make my Mom do anything that she flat out refuses to do...it's a constant battle.
good luck
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