Today I feel as though I am on the edge.

Started by

Husband is 68 Mild Dementia. I am angry, sad, depressed like I have never been before. I feel as though I am watching him die a little every day. He is not suddenly changing or anything like that. I just cannot do this! Monday I am calling a Therapist for me. I have to learn how to handle this. This could go on for years and it is NOT his fault. I thought I was a strong woman but I am doubting myself. I am not suicidal but IF I was............Thank you for letting me vent on here.


Tarajane on another posting regarding cigars/cigarettes you mentioned you bought your hubby an e-cig.... please get that away from him immediately, if you can, as someone who has dementia should NEVER have an e-cig device.

We know how harmful cigarettes are, well e-cig are many steps above in the harmful column. The vapor mist contains even more chemicals. I have also read about explosions from the recharging unit because the person wasn't paying attention to the device when re-charging the unit.

Are you and hubby still planning on moving to Florida? Now is the time to concentrate on the move, what to kept, what to donate, what to toss out. Are you moving yourself, or using a moving company? Keeping busy is very important.
See the therapist. Get some Cymbalta or another SNRI. It helps.
I am working on the e-cig. I just wanted to avoid a battle. They act like spoiled children. I know they are not good. I switched from Cymbalta generic to Lexapro generic. Thank you all for your help.
The people on this site have gotten me through a lot.
You are going to have to pace yourself for the marathon.
This is a rough, rough, journey but there are a lot of caregiving spouses here in the same boat as you.
You may surprise yourself with how strong you end up being.
I'm definitely not the same person I was even 3 years ago since going through what I have with my mom.

Remember, if you don't take care of you, nobody else will. It's not selfish to ensure your own health and wellbeing.

Plan ahead. You are going to need night time care at some point. And then daytime care. One step at a time.
Tara, I agree the ecigs are not great..BUT... you can get really cheap ones at the local gas station, etc that look a cig.. not some space age device. They run out of gas really quickly.. but they STILL look and feel ( to the hand) like a real cig.Maybe as long as he has something to "puff on" and hold he wont notice the difference? They are sort of like a pencil at that point... if you know what I .. mean? the feel is right but no harm?
That's exactly the kind I got him. Small cartridge you connect. I think when most people think of e-cigs they are huge elaborate contraptions. Those are the ones that explode and give you "popcorn" lung. They only drawback is two small refills cost $6.00. But so what it's only money LOL..
Tarajane I feel for you. I'm in pretty much the same boat. Husband 4 years into vascular dementia/alzheimers. He is also in remission from bowel cancer and has a colostomy bag. He can still communicate and operate to some level, but has absolutely no short term memory and little long term. I feel completely trapped, overwhelmed by the narrowness of my life, robbed of my future (I'm 66 and was so looking forward to retirement) now I feel as if I'm doomed to be a nurse and caregiver forever. I have been given enormousness help by social services, so financially we are ok, but no one can help the feeling of hopelessness when you have to spend your life doing nothing but care for a person who may live for many years, but with no quality or meaning. I feel my life is over.
Tarajane-I too have had many days lately where I murder to myself "I can't do this anymore!" . I'm having a hard time dealing with my husband's moods. He has Frontal Temporal Dementia. Diagnosed 2 years ago. Has gotten very moody,pouty and disruptive. I'm going to see a counselor and hopefully learn how to handle this. I know my reactions aren't always good. I think I need a thicker skin.
Oh my lord! I should proof read before I post! I meant "mudder!" NOT MURDER!! Freudian slip?
Phizphiz its definitely Freudian slip!! I talk to myself a lot, only conversation I get some days.
Friends are supportive but you are the one facing 24/7 misery. As for the ecig conversations going on, i worked my butt off getting him to give up smoking, got him on an ecig, only to find him sneaking out after 2 years to but cigarettes. Frankly i dont care any more if he wants to smoke. I hide them and give him one 3 times a day. Hes a gannet, any biscuits or sweets i leave in sight disappear in a flash.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support