This part is hard.

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Ugh. Had an all=nighter. She is finally calming down now. I realized something, when she is irritated and I am trying to help her, this only irritates her more. So I have to approach her with an upbeat and happy attitude to get her out of her anger and accepting of help. I wasn't angry with her, just calm, but that didn't do it. I really admire people who can get out of themselves to do this. I don't think I can keep doing it for much longer.

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I feel the same way. My mom does the same thing. My presence seems to make her more agitated and anxious. I finally convinced her that an ALF was a great alternative to being on her own. You know what, I heard her happy and laughing for the first time in years.
It's really weird because she can tell when I am seriously thinking of finding a place for her because she will say "Please don't get rid of me". Totally breaks my heart. I want to do what is best for her and sometimes I think being around more people/non-related people will be good for her. The other day while grocery shopping she did something totally different by not wanting to leave with me. It took awhile to get her out of the store and then I couldn't get her in the car. Thank God two women (angels!) saw the struggle and.... so easily... I couldn't believe it, they got her into the car and buckled up. My mom's mood changed to happy and laughing, I had to turn to her and say...Are you possessed??? Do I need to find an exorcist??? She laughed at that. This is such a strange thing to go through.
I too get frustrated when I seem to agitate MIL, but with strangers she is sweet as pie and oh so compliant! So glad you were able to get her into the car the other day, and perhaps her struggles last night wore her out some and you both can have a more quiet day. [[[hugs]]]
She needs to get out with others more. is there a day program you could try 1 day a week? A senior center you could go to for lunch? She will enjoy being around others and probably be fine! and you can get to meet others too.

Have a good day, Francis! Know that we understand your pain. Blessings to you!
Thank you all and you are right, glass - she does need more activity.

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