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The constant arguing and negativity dished out to me daily by my 89 year old mother is slowly killing me. I can see the change and depression in myself. Every single day is a battle with her. I here about all her ailments and her complaining constantly about being constipated.. She can have a bowel movement and then swear that it never happened. She is getting to be a terror to deal with. I try to do the right things with her care and it's a constant battle. I wish you people could see what I go through. My mother is the Jekyel/Hyde type.....she acts nice and quiet in front of others.....but is a terror around me. Now I can see why many caregivers die before the one they are caring for. Each day is living h*ll for me.

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Oh my. You have described my mother exactly! The bowel issue, quiet in front of others, complainer to family, negativity, victim, etc. I feel for you having to deal with it daily. I know I couldn't do it. I have to take a xanax before I see mom. She's deaf and everything I say to her has to be screamed, and with the dementia, repeated every 5 minutes. Maybe you could talk to your doctor about getting some meds for yourself to deal with it. I know for sure my health suffers when I'm around her, its better to take the meds than suffer stress disorders. Take care of yourself!
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Roscoe, I thought of something. Something different.

What if Mom has a bad hemorrhoid that makes it feel like she has to have a BM no matter what she does? Maybe it is not a totally ridiculous obsession she is torturing you with, maybe that's what it always feels like. Could you get it checked out? Maybe ALL of us have been distracted by how you have been presenting the problem.
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Roscoe, I have to take a crap after reading your post! Be back later to report!
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Grrrrrr....
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Support groups are excellent way to learn from each other.
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I can only say that before my mom went on anti-depressants she would be sweet as pie to everyone. But when I came home from work she would be in a dark mood, sit in a chair in the dark, with her arms folded and not look at me when she "talked" to me. If she did look at me she would dart her eyes up at me like she wanted to stab me. How dare I leave her with loving family to take care of her while I went to work where I helped other people! It was very hard to deal with her but once we got her medicine straightened out she was mostly better. Good luck.
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Most of us DO know exactly what you are going through, Roscoe. Do you think we need to see the actual poops in your toilet and hear Mom complain that she needs to poop right afterwards? We've been there done that in our own lives. Stop thinking you are so "terminally unique" that you can successfully shop for extra sympathy or praise for your martyrdom here. Bowel obsessions and other stupid aspects of dementia suck and we all know it, OK? If it is really killing you, no use having you Mom outlive you and you need to do something different besides unload the same ol' same ol' story on us at agingcare every few months thinking you will get a different answer.
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Yes, I just joined and will be glad to answer your questions if I can
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Ha is this the guy who has millions?? welcome back NOW send me some money to take care of my mum! right it off as a charitble tax thingy! Cheque is fine!
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where is this table, Practitioner, I urgently need a sit down, welcome we are ready to share what you learn at the table
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Practitioner I see you are new here . Welcome.
It is good to have medical professionals on the forum to keep information updated.
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This information for someone looking dementia care in New Jersey.
I facilitate support group for dementia caregivers where we seat around the table and share our experiences and find answers how to take care of yourself and our loved ones with dementia.
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The best thing you can do for your loved one with dementia is to take care of yourself.
I am specializing in dementia care and would like to tell you there is unfortunately no cure yet , but lots of help.
The best is respite where you can bring your mom for a week or even for a weekend and get some break.
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Roscoe, make sure you go to the doctor and get some antidepressants. There is no shame in getting help. I was depressed too and went to the doc. You'll feel a little better. Be nice to yourself, do some nice things for yourself once in a while (I had to learn that the hard way). Get her to go out and socialize with other people her age, like the senior center.
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Agreed we are a compassionate lot (usually)
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What Jeanne said.
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Lori, don't take the abrupt answers to Roscoe to heart. This is not our normal compassionate response. Roscoe is a special case. He comes on every few months and pretends he wants advice but he really just wants to vent. We know that whatever we say he is going to argue against it, so it isn't worth saying the same things over and over.

Feel free to post your own story, concerns, and questions. We won't dismiss you abruptly!
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People tell us to get away from our parents, but leaving them in a nursing home sometimes is not an option. My parents go to an adult day,what a joke, they told me they would pick up at 7:30am and keep till 3pm, what a joke, they pick up at 8ish and drop off at 2ish,
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Here is an eyeroll for you Roscoe.
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Roscoe is back must be six months since we had an update on Mom's bowels.
I second assandache
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Get out of the caregiving role. Live your own life.
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