I believe this is slowly killing me!

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The constant arguing and negativity dished out to me daily by my 89 year old mother is slowly killing me. I can see the change and depression in myself. Every single day is a battle with her. I here about all her ailments and her complaining constantly about being constipated.. She can have a bowel movement and then swear that it never happened. She is getting to be a terror to deal with. I try to do the right things with her care and it's a constant battle. I wish you people could see what I go through. My mother is the Jekyel/Hyde type.....she acts nice and quiet in front of others.....but is a terror around me. Now I can see why many caregivers die before the one they are caring for. Each day is living h*ll for me.

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Oh my. You have described my mother exactly! The bowel issue, quiet in front of others, complainer to family, negativity, victim, etc. I feel for you having to deal with it daily. I know I couldn't do it. I have to take a xanax before I see mom. She's deaf and everything I say to her has to be screamed, and with the dementia, repeated every 5 minutes. Maybe you could talk to your doctor about getting some meds for yourself to deal with it. I know for sure my health suffers when I'm around her, its better to take the meds than suffer stress disorders. Take care of yourself!
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Roscoe, I thought of something. Something different.

What if Mom has a bad hemorrhoid that makes it feel like she has to have a BM no matter what she does? Maybe it is not a totally ridiculous obsession she is torturing you with, maybe that's what it always feels like. Could you get it checked out? Maybe ALL of us have been distracted by how you have been presenting the problem.
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Roscoe, I have to take a crap after reading your post! Be back later to report!
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Grrrrrr....
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Support groups are excellent way to learn from each other.
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I can only say that before my mom went on anti-depressants she would be sweet as pie to everyone. But when I came home from work she would be in a dark mood, sit in a chair in the dark, with her arms folded and not look at me when she "talked" to me. If she did look at me she would dart her eyes up at me like she wanted to stab me. How dare I leave her with loving family to take care of her while I went to work where I helped other people! It was very hard to deal with her but once we got her medicine straightened out she was mostly better. Good luck.
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Most of us DO know exactly what you are going through, Roscoe. Do you think we need to see the actual poops in your toilet and hear Mom complain that she needs to poop right afterwards? We've been there done that in our own lives. Stop thinking you are so "terminally unique" that you can successfully shop for extra sympathy or praise for your martyrdom here. Bowel obsessions and other stupid aspects of dementia suck and we all know it, OK? If it is really killing you, no use having you Mom outlive you and you need to do something different besides unload the same ol' same ol' story on us at agingcare every few months thinking you will get a different answer.
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Yes, I just joined and will be glad to answer your questions if I can
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Ha is this the guy who has millions?? welcome back NOW send me some money to take care of my mum! right it off as a charitble tax thingy! Cheque is fine!
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where is this table, Practitioner, I urgently need a sit down, welcome we are ready to share what you learn at the table
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