Follow
Share

I'm so thankful I found this website, I've asked several questions here and I feel like this is the only place where people understand me and here I am again... In my last question I talked about our situation, me and my mom have been my grandma's only caregivers for 6 years ( she has dementia ), her two other kids don't care and we are at a breaking point, the situation is unbearable, my mother had a really serious heart attack two years ago, I'm mentally ill, there's no way we can take care of my grandma when we are extremelly sick as well. My grandmother now needs care 24/7, there are many sleepless nights and recently my mother started showing signs of all the stress that this situation causes. My mother rented an appartment for the two of us, her idea was to leave my grandma here in her own home and try to make her brother and sister come by more often and find a way to solve this solution TOGETHER, my mother is tired of doing everything by herself, she's not an only child. She called them to announce that we would be leaving by the beginning of August and that my grandma would be alone from then on, do you think they cared? No, they just said " You can go, we'll take care of it later. " It's been one week and a half since they last talked and not even a phone call or a visit to ask if grandma was already alone or not, I'm disgusted with their attitude. We haven't moved yet because there were some issues in my new room that are getting fixed but we will probably move in less than two weeks and I'm scared to leave my grandma here by herself. I thought about staying with my grandma but my mother told me I should go with her, that this wasn't my responsability, I somewhat agree with her and I don't want to stay here, I want to have the chance to start a new life but at the same time the guilt feelings won't leave me alone, I'm always thinking what if something happens to my grandma? I would always feel like it was my fault because I wasn't here... I already contacted the social services but so far no answer, my mother told me she will call them tomorrow, we will see. I just want a regular life like my cousins, they have their job, their own house, they travel, they meet people, I never had the chance to do any of that, I feel like I've wasted my youth and the worst thing is that my own family never recognized my efforts and I can see that they clearly don't care if I have a life or not, they just want a maid to spare them from all the hard work and problems.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
This is one of the hardest things you've ever done, but you need to get away. The idea of taking your grandma to ER and telling the staff that you can no longer provide care may be your last resort. Do whatever it takes. She will be taken care of somehow.

You can't give your life for her. She would not want that. You've already given more than enough. Read through the ideas that people have posted, know that we are behind you and take action. Please keep us posed on your well being.
Carol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hannah, your mother is making this courageous move for you. For God's sake back her up. Your grandmother is not your mother's sole responsibility, she is DEFINITELY not yours, and you must not undermine your mother's efforts. Put her and yourself first; write a factual report for APS about your grandmother for information only, if you must; then rest your mind. Your mother needs this move to work, and so do you. Look forward.
Helpful Answer (17)
Report

You have done all you could. Just be sure that 911 knows who to call if she is taken to the ER. That would be the person with a POA or Health Care Proxy. The POA is legally responsible for her.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

Hannah. This may be tough to hear, but you answered your own question in your own letter. You say Grandma needs someone 24/7. It's time to look for a great nursing home. Her other family members aren't willing to step up to the plate. I feel leaving her to her own devices would be like leaving a baby home alone. Who is her POA? Steps need to be taken to see that she is taken care of, since her other children can't be bothered. Ask them if they want to meet to discuss the situation. If not, they don't have a vote in the decision. It's time for a talk with your grandmother. You can do this.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

Her doctor should write orders for her to be placed into a NH. Let him know the situation and the STRESS that you and your Mom have and can no longer take care of her. That your health is in jeopardy due to the STRESS. If he won't do it and I don't see why he/she wouldn't, call the Department of Elder Affairs for your state and get some help through them. Be persistent and consistent in calling...you know how social services can be. Also, if she goes into an ER and stays, a social worker on site can facilitate in getting her placed. Good luck
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

smart911 - I have proactively registered with “Smart911”.
They provided details on my family and our home to 911 calls. The emergency needs are displayed at emergency center if we call 911.

Smart911 is provided by Rave Mobile Safety, when anyone in that household dials 9-1-1 from a phone associated with their Safety Profile,
their profile is immediately displayed to the 9-1-1 call taker providing additional information that can be used to facilitate the proper response to the proper location.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Hannah13 - it is time for the other members of the family to step-up. If they tell you they will take care of it let them! You will find out when you move how much was just lip service and how much they are willing to actually do. Unfortunately until you move you will not know what is going to happen. Maybe they will actually take care of their Mother. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your guilt disappear because you and your Mom also deserve a life. Big changes are difficult at first and with your recent diagnosis you need energy for you. Good luck and let us know how it goes. Many hugs
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

after my father fell 2 times within 24 hours he finally agreed to have my mother call 911. he has dementia/alzheimers and denies now that he wanted 911 called. but after 8 hours in ER (no broken/no fractures) I told them he could NOT come home. My mother can no longer give him the care he needs, She is diabetic (stopped testing sugars cause worried/caring for him more last week or so) and that he needs to be hospitalized until he either gets strength back OR to a facility that can care for him. He will be going to a facility this weekend, whether he likes it or not. Mom is okay with this and I know it will be an adjustment period for all of us, but guess what? My mom can now get the rest she needs, take care of herself, be able to go outside and not worry if he will be screaming for her, of falling down steps. She will be able to visit friends that she no longer could do. She is 87 and I am sure her time will come when I will need to be there more for her until she also will require more care. I will not jeodorize my health cause I also have more immediate family that I want to share my time with. So we all have to make decisions and NO one should put someone down because you can no longer care for them they way you wish you could. Apparently the person that made that negative comment is not caring for anyone OR wishes they could get out of their situation and is jealous of those you can hand over the care to someone else. God bless you for what you HAVE done.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Hannah13, Possibly your other relatives do not really understand your grandmother's needs. She may not realize her needs. You need to take care of Hannah. You will not be able to help your mother, or grandmother, if you do not take care of Hannah. Please move with your mother. She needs your help. Your mother needs to know that you are being cared for and healthy. Mothers want their children to be healthy & happy. I bet your grandmother wants you to be happy & healthy, too. Please keep us updated. People here care. Please take care of Hannah.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Elder care services may be able to help you. Find the services in your area and call for an evaluation. A case worker will come to your grandmothers home and evaluate the situation. They can provide personal care, house keeping, grocery shopping, etc. Payment is based on income, and may be minimal. Set up a meeting and let the case worker know what your grandmothers needs are. They will provide services EVEN IF SHE DOES NOT LIVE ALONE. It is worth a telephone call
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.