Relief for elder parent and getting my life back from burnout.

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I have had my mother living on my property for the last 15 yrs + and before that growing up she was abusive and demanding my attention all of the time. She(will be 64 in july) has a lot of health issues and has visiting nurses coming to her house a few hours per a day but she also demands us to do things for her no matter what I have to do. I have gotten to the point that I don't leave my house except to go to work. I can't visit with my kids (age 30 & 23) & grandkids in my own house without her demanding that they visit her too. I have went through phases of her attacking my oldest child a few years ago and having to pull her off of her to accusing my youngest of stealing from her. I am at burn out and don't know what to do. If i suggest to move her camper off of my property she starts ranting and raving that she may as well be dead because we don't want her around and will not let us reason with her. She lives in a camper beside my house and sees everything we do. I am feeling like my life is over even though she has caregivers it is not getting me any relief to spend with my family. She even demands that she needs something to be worked on every time they visit.I am at the point that I don't want to be home anymore. If her care givers don't get the right things she is constantly fussing about them and trying to get one or the other of them fired. I just need some advice as the best to do. I have notice that she does supposedly fall out of bed at night and has knots on her head or will get a black eye. She will not discuss going into a nursing home(she is on 24hr oxygen and still smokes). She is also giving out money and spending money like crazy and will not let up (maxed out 3 to 4 credit cards that i know of and is talking about buying a used car)I have been told by her doctor that she is not supposed to be driving at all. She only wants certain nurses to come more hours which they are not doing at this time.


Pursue Guardianship asap, including proper placement in the petition. Do it NOW, because sooner or later she will blame the bruises on you. Better you call APS first, than have them calling you.
If her MD has told her not to drive, her license is suspended; report any driving to the local police.
You are really in a difficult situation. The place where you're supposed to be able to rejuvenate, your home, has been invaded. Without the space to take a breather you're really going to have to be careful not to get sick yourself. Have you maybe looked at another place on your property to move her RV to where she can't keep such a close eye on life at your house? Just another thought, she seems bored and can use some positive distractions. Is there a senior center in your area and would she be willing to give it a try? Would she be open to a new hobby? Does she like puzzles or movies? As far as you go, you should maybe reclaim your nest. Perhaps set up "office hours" as a time she can reach you for the stuff she wants you to do. Don't answer the phone unless she's in the allotted hours, then listen to your machine to make sure she's okay. Also let her know, if it's an emergency than feel free to call you. Explain to her calmly why you need this new time schedule i.e. I'm very tired from all the stress in my life and my doctor wants me to get more rest. Leave her out of the excuse you tell her and invite her to help you with your situation. I hope these suggestions help and you feel happier soon.
How did she end up on your property? If she does not agree to moving to some sort of facility find another place for her and her rv to park. Many oof these parks are very senior friendly and have various interest group meetings so is an opportunity for her to become more interested in her friends and interests than she is in you and your family. Just find a way to get her out of there.

If she has to be hospitalized that is your opportunity to tell the hospital social worker that she is not able to care for herself and you are not able to provide the care she needs. The social worker will have to find appropriate living situation for her.
I found her sleeping in her vehicle at the time in front of my house is how she ended up at my place and my kids kept getting on her nerves is why she is in a camper on my property. I am raising my grandmother's youngest (baby) and it got worst after she past and did not have her mother to run to.
Broom, my MIL was the youngest of 4. Funny how they learn to manipulate everyone as a small child and the behavior of demanding and controlling re-blooms in old age. Pursue Guardian status and place her in a safe facility.

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