I need to move Dad into an assisted living but he refuses.

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My dad had a stroke about a year ago he also has a lot of other medical conditions including diabetes heart disease and dementia . Since the stroke i have devoted my life to either visiting him at the hospital or rehab to 24 hr care in my home . I have a family of 3 teenage boys and a husband plus a fulltime job ( when i am at work i pay a caregiver ) . My dad can never live alone again and requires assist with ADL meds apt ect. How can i convince him to move into an Assisted living ? I am his only child and he has no one but us to depend on . He has one friend who is bipolar and he thinks he can live with her but she has already said no many times plus she is unfit ...addicted to norco ect . My dad does have some lucid moments but has impulsive child like behavior and is mostly confused . I am also seeking guardianship , my visiting nurse practitioner has written a short letter for me on his mental and physical status but I need 2 letters . Need advice on how to handle an outside Dr who does not see my dad in the home environment especially at night.


Psych eval for 2nd dr by a psychologist - ours was court ordered but privately paid by order of the ct since we were seeking guardianship. This is what we did for mthr, and she was better off than your dad by a long shot. Psych dr said she should be supervised 100% of the time in a locked facility for her safety.
Do you have a facility in mind? I should have thought that their admission process would include a full evaluation by an experienced practitioner, so maybe that would get you somewhere? You could always ask them to visit your father's home environment as part of it, if he isn't going to cooperate by going to them.
Having slept on it, about the idea of his living with the bipolar friend who has already said no he can't (and is therefore comparatively sane, at least) - this hare-brained notion isn't a real plan. Look on it instead as an expression of his strength of feelings when it comes to ALF - he really, really isn't keen.

However, that doesn't mean anyone has a better idea, necessarily, and you have to deal with reality. So the thing to do is to dig a little deeper, going gently, into what his fears are, more specifically, and see if they can be addressed. With luck, patience and a good, happy, well-run facility on your side you still have a fair chance of seeing him settled safe and content - even thriving - near you and your family and all will be well. Nil desperandum!
Thank you very much . All very good advise . After Christmas i am going to start taking him to visit some Assisted living facilitys from small 6 client private home setting to a larger facility and let him have a choice . I may still need to seek guardianship but for some reason that seems so difficult for me . I also think back and I feel my dad has always suffered some kind of undiagnosed mental illness that has been exaberated by the stroke and dementia .
"Dad, I can't do this anymore". Hardest conversation I ever had with my mom. Made it easier to point out to her that brother ( golden child) would die responding to emergencies. That was a big factor.
I think being honest is the best idea too! Being a good parent means you want your children to go and do better than you did yourself. Trapping you at home with 24/7 duty seems to be completely counter to that, and if you explain that you want to take care of him but you physically cannot, I think you are honest. Then go forward.
Thank you i am going to be up front and honest .

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