Moving out of state, away from aging parents.

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I am a 45 year old married man. My wife and I have two adopted children, ages 13 and 15. We have been living in Minneapolis, MN for 12 years. My parents live about 6 miles from us. They're 69 and 71 and fully self-sufficient; although signs of future medical conditions are beginning to show. My wife's parents live in New York. My dilemma is this. My wife and I would like to move to Sacramento, CA. I grew up in Sacramento and miss the weather and being close to the ocean, mountains, and cities. I have no sibblings to look after my parents if we move and we'd also be 1800 miles further from her parents. Am I being selfish in wanting something different for my family? Or should I just suck it up and stay (unhappily) in Minnesota?

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Im sure this got resolved, however, there is a hybrid solution. One may downsize their current location to a vacation home and purchase/rent a primary residence elsewhere or vice versa. During the time the vacation home is not used by the owner is can be rented (VRBO or airbnb). It's best to choose the lowest tax state for your majority of residence time (at least 51% of the time & must be verifiable to avoid penalties). That said, CA real estate is very high so you may need to consider your overall budget. Also consider if your work is mobile or fixed. In any case, this hybrid solution often calms your senior parent(s) fear of loss because it demonstrates you are still committed to return (friends will like this too). That said, some parents may be very fearful due to dependance or controlling by nature and become depressed or resentful if you move no matter what. But if you don't live your life by your own values and choices as they have (including your chosen sacrifices) your own resentment/depression can build. So stay true to your values and goals and live your chosen life. Keep parents close with visits, phone calls and Skype if they use internet devices. Best of luck to you all.
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We actually did just that 7 years ago, when my parents were in their early 70s.  Moved from St. Louis to Northern CA.  They actually helped drive our moving van for 4 nights.  6 years ago our daughter was born, and Grandma comes to visit every few months and loves it, Grandpa flies out every year or 2 and is grumpy.  I found the hardest part has been returning to STL, because things just aren't the same with old friends and extended family.  It's true you can never really go home.  But after 7 years I still relish the beautiful weather and it never gets old.  Even when it is cold and rainy in winter, it is still so beautiful. 
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Dear meadows2344,

It is a hard decision. There are so many things to consider. And each of us is so different in what we can handle.

I am the oldest in my sibling group and I didn't have my own family. In my own mind, I felt I could never leave my parents. They did me to be close to home to handle everything from housework, yard work, paper work, you name it.

But at the same time, I do believe you have a right to make a decision that will make you happy. By staying I do have a lot of resentment and anger about the responsibility and sometimes burden of being the default caregiver.
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Youbetcha and dreamingofsf ....I'm going through this too!!! Such a difficult decision....and the longer it takes to decide the harder it is, since they get older and it becomes harder.... :(
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Yubecha - I'm facing a similar dilemma. May I ask what you decided to do? It's ok if you prefer not to share.
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Is there anything you can do to make your parents happier in Minneapolis? Can you get them to connect with any groups for social contacts? Can you and your parents go to a family counselor to work out issues to get them to accept it? What can you promise in terms of keeping in touch and visiting?

Can you move "for a year" to see how you like it, and when you are settled and sure you want to stay, invite them to move out too?

This is the ONLY reason that I am glad that my parents are dead: that nothing I do can hurt them any more. Good luck.
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My mthr's long time doc actually told us she would have better medical care if she were living close to us because he knows we would make sure she went to her dr. visits. It would have been nice if we had her closer longer, and before the crisis that forced our hand. My husband has a lot of older clients who are in independent and assisted living situations who are mentally all there, and he says that once they are there, they are so glad they have moved in!
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Yeah. I felt bad when I finally moved Mom to be closer to us, but she only had two brothers in a family across the street who would ever visit her, and we could see her nearly daily - thought it was an OK trade, but still, she might have done better health wise if we had not moved. It can be the obvious move to make or a very tough call, I wish you the best!
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My husband and I moved several states away. When and only when my mthr had problems severe enough to need our involvement, we fetched her. When we needed to decide where to place her in a home, we chose somewhere convenient to US since we are the only family who will visit, take to appts, etc. She has outlived most of her one time friends so there is no one who would visit in her home town. This has been a working solution for us, especially since we were taking her to twice a week doctor visits for 4 months straight.
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California is great, but once you get used to it, the great weather, etc., it won't seem as special. For example, I've read that the excitement of driving a new car wears off in about two months. Is there any way you could make frequent trips to CA from MN? Would you consider moving your parents with you? I think it is admirable that you are concerned about your parents, but unless you had to move for a job or some other super important reason, it may be best to stay near your parents. If you do indeed move, could you make frequent trips back to MN to visit them? Or how about just going to CA during the MN winters? If your wife is close with her parents, she will be even further away from them, if you and she move to CA.
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