My family has a situation that seems to get worse by the month. My father-in-law is in his mid-80's. He has had 2 heart surgeries, a diabetic and when they were still performed many decades ago, he had a lobotomy (only helped a little). He has had erratic behavior for as long as my husband can remember (he is almost 50). He has been moody, would spend long times in his room and when opportunity provided he would gamble which only increased after the death of his wife.
He has been more home bound the last 2 years with the last year the worst. He has had a past that has involved violence (one court record is sealed). My husband feels part obligation to help him and also does so out of part fear. He has informed me that his dad is worse mentally but if he asks for a mental help evulation or takes him to a mental health facility that if he gets out, he would kill him. He has said many, many years ago before he got to the mental/physical state he is in now, that he threatened to cost my husband his job if he did not jump when he said jump.
I have spoke to health care professionals just as recent as last year during a hospitalization of my father-in-law and they have told me there are no distinct signs of dementia or alzheimers. He may have a little sun downers because he gets sometimes confused at night. He has visiting nurses come in and it does no good talking to them. They just flirt with him and think we have no clue what we are talking about.
He screams at my husband, comes up with ideas that are just far-fetched (nothing new) and changes power-of-attorney papers at the drop of a hat. When he could get out of his house on a regular basis and do things for himself, we would not hear from him for 4-6 months at a time. He had no interest in our family until he needed help.
I am worried for my husband's safety. My husband is miserable, does not sleep well, is having night-mares and is difficult to be around when he has had to deal with his father. We have a young child and while we try to protect her from this, she does know a lot of what is going on.
I feel trapped and so does my husband. Stepping on eggshells for fear of bodily harm or having someone threaten your job is miserable. I know this man is old and cannot live forever but I am becoming increasingly converned because in all reality, this could continue for years. I hate to sound cold because I am not that kind of person but I feel like marking off days on the calendar.
There are no siblings to help and no support system from doctors/health care providers, etc. Any suggestions?