At what point in a parent's decline is it appropriate to really start pushing things and doing things that will profoundly anger them? In the case of my mother she is an extremely proud independent woman who cannot admit that she is having trouble taking care of herself or even making proper decisions about going to the doctor. I am considering talking to her doctor behind her back, but if she figures it out - and she might, she's still smart - she will be extremely angry and possibly shut off communication with me. I do have permission to speak to the doctor but my mother gave it with the idea that I would talk to the doc in a crisis. Not that I would call up behind her back to "rat" on her about the things she lies to the doctor about and problems she won't admit even to herself. To me all this feels like it is about role-reversal, at what point do I say it's my job to be the adult and let the chips fall where they may?