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Today I went to visit my mom for Mother's Day. I live 4 hours from her. She used to live with me now she lives near my sister in an amazing Memory Care facility. Today I have cried more than I have in a very long time. The reality of the disease finally hit me hard and I am just so sad. Is there anyone out there who has experienced this recently?

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((((((hugs)))))) shim. These changes are very hard. My mother still knows me but for the first time recently she didn't understand what I was saying to her. It hit me with a great sadness a few days later. I suspect this will come and go, but it was a big step downward. Some of these steps are harder than others. So glad for you that your mother is mostly kind and sweet now. My mother is narcissistic too and that hasn't left her.
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ohh, this is so hard ((((HUG!))))))
next time though she may light up when she sees you when tell her (never ask her) your name she will be so happy... this is how it was with my mom.
I am also very sad doing this "long goodbye" with my dear mom...
I console myself by how predictable this disease runs its course, at different speeds, but predictable none the less. I read up on what is next to go , accept it , and weep
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My Mom hasn't acknowledged me as her son for about 2 1/2 years. I always called her Mom. One day she got agitated and said I shouldn't call her that because she is not my mother. I have refrained from bringing it up again because she gets agitated and calls me a liar. I am her 24/7 caregiver. She thinks it is my job to take care of her. Yesterday she insisted that I find out where her son is. She said he is only 16 years old and might be lost. I miss the Mom that I knew.
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I'm sorry to hear this, I know this must be especially hard. I went through something similar with my foster dad at times which was hard for me, too! The first time it happened I was shocked but as it kept happening periodically, I was floored
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Thank you, thank you to all of you who have responded! I am so happy I found this site. Your comments are real and inspirational. I think I needed to cry it out and hit bottom so I can build back up and see the goodness and be grateful. To be perfectly honest, my mom was very difficult to deal with while growing up and even into adulthood. I read many of the comments under narcissistic mom and dementia. Those were very difficult to read. At this point, my mom is nothing but kind and sweet with a few not-so-nice comments. So, it is very strange to me to have wanted to avoid her most of my life to now just wanting to be near her and just be in the same space as her. Maybe it is guilt, mixed in with grieving. I'm not sure but I plan on visiting her in 3 weeks and I just want to sit and exist with her. I will certainly hold her hand and tell her I love her. Thank you to all for the support!!
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This is one of those many mysteries of dementia. 12 years ago, I was the first person my father forgot....now I am the last person my FIL remembers! even his own children are now strangers to him, or confused with other distant family members from decades ago. Sometimes the memories will flit in & out, maybe she will recognize you again later - maybe not. While you are grieving the loss of your identity/connection, remember other ways to connect - favorite songs, rhymes from your childhood (or hers!), and touch. Try caressing her hands, rub some lotion on her arms, things like that can sometimes help revive connections.
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It must be so hurtful for you. I would take heart that she may recall you another day, though. My LO changes. Sometimes, she knows my name and that I am her cousin. Other times, she says that I am her sister. So far, she recognizes me as someone who loves her, but, that could change. I try to prepare myself.
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Shimcw, when it first happens it can be tough! As others have mentioned, the forgetting can come and go. With my Dad he often forgets me now -- to the point that when I come into a room, or start to speak to him, I can see the confusion on his face, so I always begin by saying my name first, (I see his face relax) then continue on. The forgetting (when he realizes it) saddens and frustrates him, so by having my name be my "Hello" of sorts, we make the forgetting less of an issue.
I've just learned to not take it personally -- it's all part of "the adventure we're on" (as my Dad calls it when his brain is on the clear side.)
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Joann, my Mom used to do that too. She'd say I wish you would come and visit me. I visited her twice a week and stayed for 4 or 5 hours each time and I phoned her every day.
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This is one aspect that hasn't bothered me. Maybe because I don't get blamed for things I had no control over. Like my brother not calling. I am not sure if she knows me as her daughter but she remembers my name. What does bother me is when I go see her and she say "I don't believe it " like she hasn't seen me in ages and I was there the day before. I have been with my Mom all thru her journey so I have seen the changes and yes, I have had a hard time excepting them. I can't imagine how it would be not to see a person for a while and when I did they didn't know me. Like said, though, she may know you the next time.
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2 weeks ago I went to see mom - I asked if I could join her - she said sure but I could tell she had no idea who I was - after 40 minutes talking about where we were born [both same place] she still had no idea but said she enjoyed talking we me when i left

4 days later she knew me - only thing to do is go with flow & don't force a memory as that will upset them more & then you have someone who will act as a 3 year old which is worse
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My dad with Alzheimer's thought I was his sister, and that my mom (his wife) was his mother. Very sorry this is happening to you - it is a sad part of the process.
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Anytime I use to visit my Mom at long-term-care, she would smile and call me by my first name. I was so glad that she still recognized me.

But one day while I was there, a nurses Aide came in to help Mom and Mom called her by my first name. Oh dear.... I knew this was part of the dementia journey so I had to sadly ignored it.... [sigh].
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My father thought I was part of the hospital staff during his last week. It was odd. He knew who my brother and the grandchildren were, but not me. I had been living with them for 2 years, but had been living away from them for over 35 years. It didn't bother me that he didn't recognize me. It was just one of those things that may have come from losing his most recent memories. You can never tell when it comes to end-stage dementia and disease.
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This is tough, but it may not happen the next time. She may be having a more confused day, and next time she may again know who you are. My mom always recognizes that I am someone familiar, but she can't always come up with my name. She may think I am one of the care staff. A couple of weeks ago she asked me how we are related. This past Saturday, she introduced me (multiple times) as her daughter to another person sitting nearby. She even knew my name. It is a cruel disease that always keeps us guessing.
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Dear Shim, I am so sorry you experienced this. Especially on Mother's Day.
Although my Mom had dementia she always knew me. I can't imagine how it must feel. The loss of a parent suddenly is tough but watching them fade away slowly is so hard. My heart goes out to you.
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