This life is so bad I don't want it to be extended.

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I'm 52. She 80. She attacks me. Beats me. Verbally slaughters me. I'm bruised and battered but I was a bad kid, partied and I was a disrespectful brat. Now my guilt has surpassed and determined me to take it at all costs. Even my death. Perhaps that's because from the age of 6 she took me out of bed at 2:30 am every morning to show me my dad Vomiting on furniture. She also told me he raped her all the time. No way. He could not take her on. He couldn't stand. I have Hep C and was upset I was going to die. Now I'm not. I hope it kills me soon. Like tomorrow. She will outlive me. By the way before she just broke her ankles and could get out she is known as the sweetest little old lady in the world. She is a total shopoholic. I have 2 deadly diseases that could kill me at 60 or 70. The doc not sure. I will be dead in a year from an aneurysm. I found out a year ago and I will be getting demtia myself rom brain injury I found myself. I think of dying everyday but I will let God decide. Please God. Beam me up. Please.

15 Comments

Hi Sheba3, could you give us a bit more information?
Sheba3, you are taking care of your mother who has dementia, and who has been abusive to you, right? Why? Why are you putting up with this dreadful treatment? Guilt leftover from childhood behavior is NOT a good reason. Your mother making you feel guilty is just more of her abuse.

Given such a dysfunctional family background, it will be very hard for you to detach from this situation and take care of yourself. Get help with this very challenging and necessary task. A therapist can provide support as you go through this.
My dad was an alcoholic but he was a good guy. The last thing she said to him as he was drinking was go ahead drink yourself to death. He just couldn't take her, so he did. I'm sure it was an accident. He was diabetic and heart disease. He was 70. What else would you like to know. I changed my screen name. Patty50
Hi Patty. When I first clicked on your post it was blank. Sometimes the message gets lost. All I saw was the topic. Mothers sick. That's why I asked for more information.
You have had a very hard time of it. I'm sorry about your dad and your mom and your family life. You must be a very strong person. Are you in a position where you can leave your mothers home? If so please know you don't have to take it at all costs. It's time to focus on your own health and to find a measure of peace. Do you have help caring for your mother? What are your options Patty? This is a safe place to explore them.
97. The house is equally owned. If I dont die soon from illness I will move to a different state. Me and my dog. It may be the best I can do. My ex sister can take over. You can't make this shit up and I have video and pictures. People suggested I do so. The people that saw video were speechless and one said I think she's going to kill you. That was a couple years ago and I'm still alive. Thx
By the way all. What doesnt kill you makes you weaker. I know. The stronger end is a lie. A myth. Ignorant
Why didn't you leave 2 years ago, after taking the video?
Have you had a mother that is not June Cleaver. I love her. I want to love her. She is a very caring good person that has worth. She loves Animals. She just doesn't like me. Why. Pick a reason. Any reason. You know this is in older years and she has always been a spare the rod mother. She was my mommy until I was about 12. A good mommy. Do I feel sorry for her yes. Maybe she went mental when her brother drowned in 3 ft of water while serving our country training in the states because the cop on scene did not want to go in water to car because he did not want to get his boots dirty. I'm human. She's just so sick. Multiple Personality. She obviously can't help it.
Does loving your mother mean you have to live in the same house as her? My kids don't live with me. I'm still pretty confident that they love me.

What I'm saying is that you can love your mother, you can ensure she is well taken care of, you can do all kinds of things to support her and cherish her. But none of them *has* to mean standing there and taking it while she abuses you.

Does it never cross your mind to wonder what her behaviour does to her own spirit, let alone yours? Do you think she never feels bad about what she's doing? What must all that anger and left-over hatred be doing to her when she takes it out on her own child?

What will happen to her when you do abandon her, like it or not, by dying?

Go back to your doctor and ask for help.
If you are suicidal which your post seems to indicate, PLEASE call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline NOW:
1-800-273-8255

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