Two months ago, my 90 year old dad suffered a small stroke but one that was big enough to impact his activities of daily living. After he left hospital, he definitely was not ready to go home alone (he lived alone for the past four years in his condo since mum passed away) and so we placed him - with his blessing - in a retirement home just around the corner from his condo. He has made some improvements since living there, but he still needs help dressing below the waist; he sometimes has urinary and bowel incontinence, that seems to have abated since being given medication to treat them, he has very advanced macular degeneration, is partially deaf and often has trouble now with his hearing aids (remembering to wear them, putting them in properly, changing batteries) and has exhibited signs of dementia for the past few weeks (getting up in the middle of the night and going to the dining hall for breakfast and arguing with the nurses who tell him that it is still hours before sunrise - one of many examples). My brother and I would not trust him to take his medications as prescribed.
With all of the above, if this were your father, would you say he could live at his condo, but with hired help (he wouldn't be able to pay for 24 hour care, but maybe during the day), or would you want him in a lovely (it really is) assisted living facility? My brother and I are readying his condo to have a real estate agent look at it and I worry that we have given up too easily on dad. He hates the ALF and always complains about everything - even though I have done my best to make accommodations for him so that he would be happier. But nothing would make him happier than being back at home. Should we just leave it alone and let him stay at the ALF? I live 1.5 hours away and visit 2x per week, my brother sees him almost every day (he lives 5 minutes away) to help him shower, etc.