I feel like a factory worker.

Started by

9:15 AM, I give Mom her first morning to wake up.

9:30, drag her out of bed against her will.

Place her in her wheelchair, roll her to the bathroom, picker her up, put her on the toilet, wipe, dress, put back in wheelchair.

Roll her into dining room, spoon feed pills and breakfast.

Roll her into living room and park her in front of TV (sometimes lifter her and place her in her recliner - if I am up to it)

Wash bedding (inevitably soaked), make bed.

Roll her to two scheduled bathroom breaks, feed lunch, bathroom breaks, dinner, pills, bathroom, change into night clothes, place her in bed at 9:PM

Repeat next day. No words spoken anymore. I am not even bothering to speak to her most of the time. It is all mechanical. Once in a while I will wonder what she is thinking about all day - or if she is capable of thinking.

There is no caring anymore just wondering how much longer I will punch this clock.


Sounds familiar.
You might want to consider getting a customized wheelchair that reclines, that way you can vary her position without having to transfer her. I had ours fitted so that mom is sitting naturally with her feet firmly on the floor when I wheel her up to the table for meals, so the tilt function makes it easier to raise her feet to wheel her around. I don't bother with the footrests unless we are going out.
We don't use the footrests at home either because the bathroom isn't big enough. She has only been wheelchair bound for about two weeks. Still hoping for improvement but thanks for the tip if this is our new norm
What all is soaked on the bed? Does depends + poise and blue pad on bottom not cut it?
I have in order from bottomed to top

A plastic mattress cover
A cloth mattress cover
A washable pad
A fitted sheet
A washable pad
A poise

Sometimes were are lucky and we only have a wet depends or one layer of wetness. Sometimes we go all the way to the second pad down.

And, I should say, in an effort of full disclosure, I work full time so the above schedule is my weekend schedule. I have caregivers come in between 7AM-4PM M-F. I consider myself lucky that I get that break 5 days a week.

My problem is that there is nothing left. I feel like I am getting paid to turn the chicken egg in the incubator all day but there is no hope of it hatching and talking to me.
m2m, remind me why your mom was in rehab, has she had a stroke?
Mom had a UTI which caused a fall. At the ER, they were going to give her another round of oral antibiotics (she had just completed one) but I insisted on IV antibiotics. That caused a four night hospital stay which then led to 30 days in rehab. She was cured the day Medicare ran out, of course.
Do you know what caused the fall, was she checked for stroke? Her sudden decline and mental absence sounds a lot like what happened to my mom.
Is a nursing home an option? Your could visit often and hold her hand, hug her, have whatever physical contact you can manage, perhaps wheel her for a walk around the building or outside, for some variety. Your mother would get good care, she'd still be getting your love, and you wouldn't be punching that discouraging time clock.
Dear mom2mom,

I empathize and sympathize with you. I know its hard. I felt the same way too with my dad. I let it go too far. Letting all the resentment and anger consume me. Between going to work and caring for my dad, I too, felt like I was punching the clock. I hope you can look into assisted living or a nursing home. I hope you can find the right balance. And give yourself a mental and physical break. I hope you can find some better options for your mom and yourself. Thinking of you.

She fell from weakness caused by the UTI.


The only nursing home close by is horrible. The next nearest ones are about 35-40 minutes away. This is going to sound totally cold and heartless but this is where I am... If she goes to a nursing home, I have no intention or desire to "visit often, hold her hand, hug her." or anything else. I won't take her for walks or sharing my love. I had a cold and sterile upbringing from her. I will hand out as many hugs as she had given me. Kindness is about all I can offer.

If I put her in a nursing home, I may try to find one closer to my brothers, thereby taking away their excuses for not visiting her. Either way, I don't see myself visiting more than once a month. There is no point if she isn't willing to communicate with me.


So far, I am still I a good place. I come here, vent and move on. In a way, it actually helps that we have always had such a poor relationship. I can remove myself from the situation and keep my actions mechanical. If she had ever shown me that she loved me, I might now be mourning that loss but her being so distant my whole life makes it easer to accept her distance now.

Thank you ll for your comments and support.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support