Mom is 87, dad is 92. They live in their own home because they absolutely refuse to go to a facility, or even have a home health aide come in. They insist they are "fine" but the reality is they are living in their very own AL facility because we kids do everything for them. I am DPOA and take care of banking, bills, and all legal matters. My husband and I also did their groceries and laundry until my brother and sister recently stepped up. My husband has gladly cooked every holiday meal (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays) for them for the past 30 years. He has helped my parents as much as he could by washing their floors and shoveling snow, but he has bad knees that are getting worse. I have clinical depression, fibromyalgia, heart disease, cardiac stent last year, and failed eye surgery that left me with poor vision, constant nausea and vertigo. I am permanently disabled and cannot drive. My father is a mean narcissist who ALWAYS has to get his way. He has been verbally, psychologically and emotionally abusive to my mom, my siblings and me our entire lives. He has held my poor mother hostage for the last 60 years, not letting her go out with her sister or her friends, and demanding she get his microwave meals ready and clean up, even though she has dementia. Although he is 92 and shuffling in a walker, he can still instill that paralyzing fear in me that I felt when I was a child. My brother and sister say they've gotten past it, but they don't spend any more time there than they have to - just do the chores and get the heck out of there. (Yes, I am in therapy for my "daddy issues", but have not made much progress - some psychological wounds go VERY deep). My husband and I want to take my mother in to live with us, but my father would never allow it because who would then take care of him? I love my mom and just want her to be happy during her last years on earth, and not have to worry about when my father is going to start yelling at her again. My father won't let me in the house anymore, and has threatened to call the cops on my husband if he ever stepped onto their property again. My husband and I have done nothing but take care of them - when we ask him what we've done wrong, he just ignores us. The incredulous (and sad) thing is the 1st floor apartment of my parents' house is empty. My husband and I offered to move in there to take care of my parents 24/7, but my father adamantly said no, just to spite me because he hates me. He said he would rather see the apartment empty and not collect rent than let me move in. (My brother lived there for a while after his divorce, as well as my son after he graduated college.)Some people would say "just go visit your mother and pretend your father isn't even there" but he is so good at pushing my buttons to hurt me, I always leave in tears. I can't even call my mom because my father listens in on the extension phone. I know she wants us to be closer and to take care of her, but she's afraid of my father and has to pretend she agrees with all of his illogical, asinine decisions. She had trouble working her TV remote, so instead of helping her with it, he cancelled her cable TV. I feel so bad - she is so isolated, and I miss her terribly. I took some advice from friends and stayed away for a couple of months, just to keep myself out of the loony bin, but the guilt is overwhelming. Anybody else dealing with 2 elderly parents in this situation?