Follow
Share

I am in therapy and working hard to hold on. I feel sad and displaced in this family as the scapegoat/caregiver. My dad is horrible to me. I try to please the narcissist but it won't ever work. I feel like I have run out of time for my own life and resigned to being hated and unloved. He really groomed his kids and wife to be his audience and turn on one another. It is terrible and yet I feel horrid for leaving and letting my mom be at the mercy of his nastiness. My siblings don't care nor help they just bash me and talk badly w my dad about me. I feel I have wasted my life and I am trying not to give up but I am incredibly broken and sad. I am trying but I wonder the point of it when I feel so beaten down with his awful mood swings and two faced behavior that has stripped me of family support. Been going on since I was born.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Focused apathy! I love that term. Did you come up with it, TiredReader? In any case it is brilliant.

I am so glad, Scaredtaker, that you are in therapy! Keep it up and try to comply with the treatment plan. Since most treatment plans would include an antidepressant or anti-anxiety med, I think Pam was just assuming you had a med to take. But maybe there isn't a good med for "I-am-from-a-dysfunctional-family" misery.

You couldn't help be groomed as the family scapegoat when you were a child. But you can help yourself now! Not easy! Definitely not easy. But you can do it, and it is worth the effort.

Try focused apathy. Try detaching from these toxic people. Take care of yourself first. But above all, believe that you do have a life ahead of you, and it can be a much better life than you've had so far. You deserve that. Hang in there! Stay in therapy and comply with the treatment plan!

Come here often and let us know how it is going. We care.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

You cannot change him. I also had a difficult father. You accept him as a thing you cannot change, and you move on. And you take your meds.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Whatever you do don't be HIS caregiver. It's a struggle with people like that. Not sure it's healthy mentally. Probably not. But I've learned to sort of tune out negative people in my life. Kind of focused apathy. When around negative people like that my brain turns into a glazed carrot. And I survive!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Get out. Find yourself a little apartment or whatever you can afford and get out of this arrangement. Your mother long since chose to live with this man, don't let her mistake become your prison. If your siblings are jerks who talk crap about you, leave. If they think you suck so bad, they can take it all on and see just how "easy" it is.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I'm so sorry to hear how you feel. I know its hard trying to be the good daughter and trying to two care for two elderly parents. And feeling stuck. But please know you have options. You don't have to sacrifice your life. With some people there is no pleasing them. They will never be happy. No matter how much we give and give and give, it will never be enough for them. Its better for own mental and physical health to have distance.

I too wanted some help, validation and acknowledgement, but it was impossible. I was a terrible pleaser my whole life. Everyone knows me as a doormat. But please don't follow in my footsteps. There is hope. You can start over. Its never too late to start over.

Thinking of you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thank you so much everyone. As always great advice. Head is swimming from trying to figure out how the hell to get out while dealing with toxic environment. My dad's dirty looks and dead eyes scare me. I cannot do this anymore.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Is there a women's shelter you could go to while you are getting on your feet? You really are in an abusive situation. Does your therapist have any suggestions for next steps?

Hang in there! There is a better life ahead for you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My meds?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am a volunteer at a homeless shelter and it is full of dysfunction. Not such a great option
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.