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because of her refusal to help me with caregiving, and she has had many chances to turn it around, in other words, to start helping me, but she didn't. I just wanted to say that I am disappointed beyond belief by her actions, and that she has lost all respect from me. She has virtually done nothing all these years to help out, and her days are wide-open, so she clearly has the time. It's all about her! What a lazy, selfish bum!!! Would love to hear stories of similar problems with siblings!

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I also understand how hard that is to face and frankly I am in that place right now with my own sibling; it is hard when they also live far away and that most communication takes place on an occasional basis; we are both working too which makes it difficult to contact one another. We both have each others work phone numbers in case of an emergency. Also she is living her own life now that she is married and doesn't seem to be really available and able to comprehend or listen to really what is going on at home with our elderly parents. I am often feeling alone and know that I will be the one taking up the sole responsiblitiy of caring for them when they become incapacitated. It is coming and it does irk me that I will not have that kind of support behind me when the time comes. It is when I thnk I wished I had more siblings. It is something I have come to deal with and it is the reality that i will be alone in the care giving of our parents. Both are reaching that stage also that they will need more care eventually and with me working full time right now, I know that i may have to sacrifice my work and career to help them when it comes time.
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It sounds so easy but you truly just have to "let it go". Not everyone is built to be a caregiver or should be! \
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I have the opposite situation. My relationship with my brother is destroyed because of my mother's "triangulating". She has been just nasty to me and my brother has believed her lies. I can't wait until she really needs help. They have been so nasty and she has given him all power over her financial and health care, so I feel it is his responsibility to take care of her. I protested many times about the unfairness and the way I am treated only to fall on deaf ears.

So sometimes the lack of help is brought upon a sibling and/or parent due to their behavior. I am not saying that applies to your situation at all but just another side to the "my sibling won't help" story I often read about on this site.

We are all responsible, to a degree, for our parents being cared for. But there are many definitions of how to care for that parent. It is not always a hands on situation and it is often not an easy task.
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The only time my sister ever tried to make it " look like " she was helping was when Mom had major knee surgery which lasted a couple days into Moms recovery and out the door my sister went with Moms bank card in hand spending the money like it was hers I have yet to deal with the situation in the last year I've lost my younger brother who I was caring for , my grand daughter & mother in law who I also was caring for. As for my greedy sister , she was more of a problem with her " helping " I'm glad I did it myself because I wouldn't trade a second of the time I spent with them .
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I completely understand... I really do.... I've come to a place of painful acceptance that my siblings have deliberately NOT chosen to be really involved with Mom - unless it is absolutely necessary for them... they don't want to be inconvenienced by Mom... I've cried (howled) for my Mom's loss, more than my own life. One day, there lack of involvement will impact them. It always does - even indirectly.

There is JOY serving our parents in their sickness and helplessness. I've learned SO much and am better for it... but I've also lost respect/relationships with my siblings who have ignored Mom... I pray for them..
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