Dementia patient wants a divorce.

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Recently my 80 year old father who had been diagnosed with mild dementia has become fixated on his finances. So much so that he is convinced that my mother has been stealing his money for years (which is not true and we have presented attorneys, case workers, psychiatrists, etc. to explain to him otherwise but he is convinced of this.) And it has now culminated into his request for a divorce. My mother who is his primary caregiver is fed up and doesn't want to argue with him anymore and is granting his request. I understand that this is quite common but I was hoping to get any further insight from others that might have been in the same position. Thank you.

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I am worried about my mother in law with alzheimer's. I am afraid for her life with her husband. Five months ago my husband her son passed away. I have a POA for her and she still living with me. Her husband (my husband's step dad) is not living with us, but he keeps insisting that she is his wife and its driving us crazy calling to send me the police. Before they were together but she got very ill in a coma due to being neglected by him. He was always out with the provider everywhere and she was left alone dirty with vomit and feces. Adult protective services was called and it was an investigation. Thats how we found out what was going on. We went to talk to him and practically he threw us out of his house and the APS told us she needs us and advised us to take her home after rehabilitation that's how we went to talk to a social worker. The social worker advised us to get a power attorney in both of our names. Do not know what to do, now that my husband died 5 months ago and her husband is not living with us but he is still insisting to get the authorities involved. What can I do to protect her from him since she has alzheimer's and he is a danger to my mother in law's well-being?
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No to both. If you have official statements declaring that he is no longer competent, he cannot dissolve or enter into a contract - which is what marriage is. Only more important! So even more definitely no!

Oh, and, by the way, is he has been 'declared as having lost testamentary capacity' how come he is wielding that powerful a credit card? Who has power of attorney for him, and who is taking care of him?

Blimey. Has the SAgf got any family you can enlist for support at their end?
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All these stories make me feel better. We are going through hell with my father 89, diagnosed with Dementia Alzheimers since 2011. Last year when Mum was in hospital with utter and total exhaustrion from looking after him, she announced after 59 years of marriage that she was not getting bettr just to go and look after him and that she wanted her freedom. Within weeks he was phoning her girlfriends asking around for a suitable woman who could come and live with him in financial comfort ( er Hum...not something Mum ever enjoyed and they are both getting the pension) . Then after much song and dance he tracked down his premarital girlfriend....think....early 1950s. Well, she has dementia and lives wth her daughter in Johannesburg. so this is where Dad is trying to get to now. No dr can stop him. There is nothing to stop an old man with dementia walking into a travel agent and buying a ticket except his cunning children who are one step ahead of him. His friend has tried to support him buying a one way ticket to RSA from AU, and she believed him that he has landing arrangements made, and she offered some free accommodation for him.
Now, he wants a divorce from Mum so he can marry his SAf girlfriend . they both have dementia. Dad has been declared as having lost his testamentary capacity.
Can he divorce? Can he marry again?
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MY MUM HAS ALZHEIMERS SHE HATES HER HUSBAND BUT THIS IS BECAUSE SHE HATED HIM BEFORE SHE HAD A FALL AN CAUSED THIS THEY REMEMBER
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My dad has severe dementia, he'll be 87 this summer, mom is 85 and caring for him during the day and I go each day after work and on the weekends. My dad keeps saying he needs me to get him away from my mom. He cannot cook for himself, remember to take his medicine or do any finances, he needs her but this dementia has robbed him of that memory. We are learning to say okay but wait to sell the house and split assets until the snow is gone. I like the comment about I'll get an attorney then keep finding reasons why that has not been done just yet. I really appreciate finding this forum, so much worry with dementia. My dad trusts me and knows me but really think I am just a good friend, what he told me last night, not his daughter. I'm afraid he will cause her to have another stroke and me to stress out.
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if your loved one is in a nursing home and acting irrational or "crazy" it could be due to their medication. check to see if they're taking any psychomatic type medicines. when i worked in nursing homes many elderly residents were taking multiple psycho meds. they screamed and ran down the halls and begged for help. i'm not saying the meds caused the condition. draw your own conclusions.
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I would go to assisted living. They are great, here in Tucson.
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My thoughts were similar to those of Looloo.

Create a document that states that X and Y are divorced. There are probably some online forms somewhere that simulate a real divorce decree. Give a copy to the spouse who wants a divorce and tell him/her it's been all taken care of for them as a couple.

The question then is whether that spouse wants to move out, and where would he/she go?
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I just read a very good book called "Learning to Speak Alzheimers" by Robert Butler, MD., which covers many issues relating to dementia. My husband, who was diagnosed with dementia in 2011, too has become very paranoid (he's 74) and is physically going downhill pretty rapidly too, which is so frustrating for him. He was a communicator in the USMC back in the day so the fact that he struggles to find the right words when having a conversation is very frustrating and humiliating to him. I suggest that you also look up the Alzheimers/Senior Care office in your town and try to go to a few meetings. They have been invaluable for me.
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Froggie10, it is good that you posted this as a new post as well. You will probably get more responses there than here.
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