My daughter does not understand why I go hunt my husband down when he wonders off.

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My daughter does not understand why I go hunt my husband down when he wonders off when he comes over for the weekend...She gets mad @ me because I do... She gets mad when I help him change his clothes...She doesn't think that I need to wait on him hand and foot....My husband is so skinny that I can see his rib cage..He has lost so much weight...She tells me that that is all you have done for 51 years is wait on him hand and foot...I guess that is why she has been divorced twice because she saids she will never wait on any man....I hate it when she does that one of these days she may be in the same position....I just don't get it...

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If your daughter is old enough to be divorced twice then she's old enough to hear it be said straight to her face "The world does not revolve around you, dear." Say that but picture yourself as Cher in Moonstruck when she tells Nicholas Cage to "snap out of it!" Someone must try to get her to see (accept) what is happening right in front of her eyes.

She may have anger issues generally, and that's not your problem. Your problem is your daughter getting ugly around you and your husband. Either you can ask her to not come around as much or lay some ground rules for when she does visit. Your daughter is criticizing you and being hostile about it and I hope she will stop or at least check her emotional baggage at your door. FFS!

When I visit my inlaws, I like to stay for 45 minutes. That doesn't make them tired. They still have enough energy to get through their evening past dinner. Sometimes a quick visit gives me the chance to visit with just one of them. And it's plenty of time for me to lay eyes on most of their apartment.

If your daughter is coming there to vent her anger and cut you down, then cut down the amount of time you spend with her. Perhaps your daughter could use some alone (introspection) time?
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My Mom did everything for my Dad as the inside of the house was her domain. But that was how it was for many of the wives during that era. That was their "job", and they took it seriously.

Unfortunately it can backfire, as once my Mom passed, my Dad [94] was so helpless. The poor man, even though he had a degree in electrical engineering and had numerous inventions, he couldn't figure out how to make himself a sandwich.... [sign]

dstrode, I see from your profile that your hubby is only 70 years old and is living in Assisted Living.... what are his health issues? Doesn't your daughter understand why her Dad is living in Assisted Living? Someone needs to talk to her.
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It's a two-way street. I don't mind taking care of Hubs but I deserve the same.
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She needs a little education, if he really needs the care. And yet she is right about not waiting on a spouse hand and foot..I mean, you do little lovey-dovey stuff for each other because you LIKE to, but it is different than one party demanding the other take care of them all the time.
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Dstrode, daughters! They want us to be more like them, more independent, more taking care of ourselves instead of others. A long marriage is even more difficult for some of them. You grow as a coyple, would do anything for each other. We were brought up in another time, a different culture, we took care of each other. It was a world where we were responsible for one another, and we held ourselves accountable for our actions. And we were expected to. The younger generations grew up in a more self centered environment.
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