Coping with the death process, hospice and guilt.

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How do you survive watching your loved one die? Mom is in hospice. She had a stroke on Wednesday and now it is a waiting game. She has CHF and the end was near. I did not send her to ER when she had the stroke. Now she can't talk and is paralyzed on one side. We are in a waiting game waiting for the end. It is excruciating at times. How do you cope? If she is still hear on Monday do I go to work? Watching someone die like this is terrible.


It’s hard to predict when the end will come. You need to continue with your life as much as possible. I did Hospice volunteering for a couple of years. Family members always feel they must be there at the end, but most times it’s unpredictable. It’s our nature to feel this way.

Don’t beat yourself up if you’re not there at the moment. She’s in good hands. Talk to the Hospice nurse. They have experience and good instincts in end of life matters.

Wishing you the best....
Follow your heart, you'll only do this with your mom once.
You tell them you love them, everything will be alright and you will see them again. This is one of the most painful things you will ever go through. I am so sorry for you and your Mom. You don't believe it now, but you will survive. Get around people that you are very close to, if you can. I wish there was a better answer. Love to you. 
I just lost Dad 2 days after Christmas. I was with him the night before and then that morning as he took his last breaths. In all honesty, I thought it was very peaceful ...He didn't seem to be struggling to breath; instead he seemed to be trying to move on. I miss him so much, and the pain from that is only bearable, but for his sake, I'm glad he's not suffering anymore.
I'm so sorry that your mom is doing poorly. I know how painful it is to watch your loved one decline.

How do you survive? You take it day by day or minute by minute.
Try to remove as much other stress in your life as you can.
Remember to breathe deeply and relax the muscles in your shoulders and jaw.
Pray, meditate or do whatever form of connecting to something beyond ourselves whenever you can.
Let people help you with other issues (cleaning, cooking, etc.) while you concentrate on your mom.
Come back here for support and love. Many on here have lost their parents and can "hold you up" when you feel like you're falling.
Let yourself cry. You know what's going to happen. It's super stressful. Crying relieves tension.

No one knows the date and time a person passes but I would speak with the doctor taking care of her. He might be able to give you a time 'frame'. That way you might have a better idea of whether to go to work (if you can concentrate) or take time off work to be with her.

I have found that some patients actually die when their family members and loved ones leave the room. That happened with my father also. I was there 24/7 but THE night I decided to stay at a friend's house, he passed.
Don't be surprised if she passes when you're not there. Just my opinion, but I believe they have some ability to pass when they would prefer. (There is NO scientific information to support this.) I believe that they would like to spare us the pain of watching them die.

I pray for God's peace for you and your family.
I lost my sweet mom last month, she was on hospice, during that time, I would talk to her, tell her how much I love her, held and gently squeeze her hand, and assured her every thing going to be all right, Follow your heart, the Hospice nurses will assist your during this time, from their experiences the would tell when it's time, but in mean time talk to her, hold her hand. Kiss her on forehead. It's going to be all right. Keep your heart and mind in love and faith. Hospice would support you.Give it to God in prayer. 
Dear lovemymomma,

I am so sorry, I know this is an extremely difficult time. Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs. Be kind and gentle with yourself. And if possible, maybe you can take some time away from work. It will be hard and your mind and body will need a break. Please know we are all here.
My dear mom passed today. I was there until 1pm and left for work. I have to be honest, I was having a hard time coping. This is after my my husband or I had been with her 24/7 since last wed. It was hard. I told her everything I wanted to. I was at work two hours later and she passed with a friend and loving nurse. Was she waiting for me to go? I will ask her some day, This site has been a friend to me for many years. Thank you for being my sounding board. I will sure miss her.
My heart aches for you, having been there for my own dear mom who was so extremely ill and suffering, I think I understand your pain quite well. You're a loving daughter. It was her time to go. One step at a time. Many hugs.
I’m very sorry for the loss of your mom. There’s a unique pain in losing ones mother, especially when she’s been a constant good presence in your life. I hope you’ll be surrounded by the good memories in the days ahead

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