I'm caring for my elderly Dad and really need some support at this time.

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I'm caring for my elderly Dad and really need some support at this time. Maybe my idea will help someone else care for their parent also. Thanks so much :)


Riverra, first, I'm not sure gofundme requests for financial assistance are appropriate for this forum. We're all caregivers of one nature or another; many of us have are own financial problems or limitations.

Second, there is no way to verify any claims for need of assistance. Anyone can concoct a story that tugs at someone's heartstrings and collect funds. There also is no way to verify that those funds would be used for the purposes stated.

Third, you should be aware that not everyone sees Facebook as an acceptable communication medium. If you've read the TOS, and have any concern for privacy as well as information being commoditized, you'd understand why.

Fourth, whatever idea you might have, and however helpful it might be for others, I have never and will never create a FB account and allow any of my thoughts or posts to be commoditized.

Fifth, if you need help, use the search function (three white bars in the blue menu bar) and search for other posts here which offer advice; this is a frequent question by people who don't understand the intricacies of tapping into federal and state funds for assistance.
Thanks for your comment. Many people use go fund me when they have no other option available to them. I'm sorry I posted here. I realize that others also have financial and emotional issues with caring for the elderly themselves, I know from experience :) I am just trying to get the link out there as I am so stressed with bill collectors calling and I will not post the link on my Facebook as I do not want my friends and family to be guilted into giving money. Also I do not want my husband to know about this campaign as he is not one to ask for help, but I am the one dealing with the bills and bill collection calls :) Sorry if this was inappropriate.
Aside from the costs of building this new "cabin" you have already noticed some increase in costs associated with his new living arrangements. You admit you can not leave him alone and only get to sleep in your own bed one night a week and have given up your job to care for him. There will inevitably come a time when he becomes more frail and needs more physical care, help with toileting, bathing, feeding, etc. I fear you have underestimated the physical, emotional and especially the financial toll this will take on you and your family for YEARS to come.
I do appreciate your response; it helps put your situation in perspective, and I do respect your desire for privacy.

May I suggest that you create separate threads for the various financial issues, beginning with harassment by debt collectors? Others have been faced with this; some aren't even aware of the protection of the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act.

Does TN have a state elder care agency (Michigan has the Elder Law agency, which provides free legal advice to income qualified seniors)? Our EL site also lists a wide variety of financial assistance available.

There are food distribution centers, pro bono legal attorneys or clinics, heat assistance, and more. Perhaps comparable assistance is available in Tenn?

Sometimes county agencies can offer help or suggestions, as can private agencies. (See my post on Erwin's thread at https://www.agingcare.com/Questions/social-worker-wants-permission-call-siblings-219549.htm?cpage=2)

The Area Agency on Aging is also a good source.

Sometime ago my city received HUD funds for emergency home repairs for income qualified individuals. Habitat for Humanity and Christmas in Action and Christmas in April are also groups that may provide free house repair assistance.

Perhaps you've already tried these routes, and if so, I apologize for the assumption that you haven't, but was thinking that it's probably more likely and certainly safer to get assistance from an agency than to expose your situation to FB readers.

I apologize if I offended you; on first reading your post, it seemed like a ploy for a handout, and it wouldn't have been the first.

But despite my rudeness, please feel free to post about these issues; there are many knowledge people here who know of agencies that might be able to help.
Well, I have a better idea of the situation now after reading CWillie's post.

First, are you still paying rent on the cabin? That's going to be a fixed cost for its lifetime, if that's the situation. So that has to be factored into your own income.

Second, is the $6900 to actually purchase the cabin or pay it off? I don't understand how it could be paid off if you rented it.

Third, are you getting a senior rate for the electrical service?
riverrat - it would help if you posted more details of your situation and needs. Giving up a job to care for a senior is rarely a good idea financially or emotionally.

According to your go-fund page, your dad, who has Alz was moved from an ALF to a NH because his care needs increased. This is normally the reason people are moved from one to another. It is likely not their fault that he fell. Then you decided to remove him from the nursing home to a cabin and have quit your job and spend most of your time with him as his care needs are great. I honestly think that was a bad move, as with Alzheimers, your dad's needs and costs will continue to increase. You have given up your job which has affected you and your family's financial stability and future.

Truthfully, I think he needs to go back to an NH on Medicare. and you need to go back home with your husband and to a job. I am sure your intention to provide your dad with a pleasant surrounding is laudable, but the cost to you and your family is too great.

I agree with cwillie who wrote "I fear you have underestimated the physical, emotional and especially the financial toll this will take on you and your family for YEARS to come." Please reconsider.

While I agree with what cwillie and golden23 have said, I also want to point out that I most often see links to gofundme pages on Craigslist, under the Community section. I don't know what kind of response they get, but I imagine it's more than here, where many people are in the same boat.
Thank you all for your responses and I appreciate all of the comments:) As suggested above I will give a bit more information. I did not recently give up a job. I have not worked in several years. I used to work from home doing customer service and sales. I had to give that up because it got to the point that my father would not leave me alone and I was required to have silence in my workplace. It also got physically demanding, sitting for long hours, vision problems on the computer, etc. Anyhow, like I said as time elapsed my Dad needed more and more supervision and our stairs and woodstove became a major hazard for him. When it got to the point the stress and worry of him falling and hurting himself became too much, I put him in the assisted living. He lasted 2 weeks. The demetia was the issue they did not want to deal with AFTER they had told me it would not be a problem. At that point I moved him into the nursing home (August 2016) where he stayed until November 7th, 2016. He was not getting the proper care in there and fell at least 5 times. I have not underestimated the toll this will take on me. I've worked in nursing homes when I was younger (I'm 47) and also seen the care at the home my Dad was in. It is unacceptable as far as I am concerned. The building is a rent to own and if I were to pay it off today it would cost $6017.58. If I continue to make the payment;s it's $298.26 per month until August of 2019. I do get all of the assistance my Father is eligible for. 24 hours per week home health and 216 hours per year respite hours to give me a break. Normally I sleep in a bunk in my Dad's 6 night's a week and Home health does one. I do have a video camera so I can come in my house and do some chores but my Dad is SNEAKY and I have to keep my eyes on the video monitor constantly!!! You can see the camera in the window in the picture of my Dad over his kitchen sink! Anyhow, this is something we can handle, my Dad has a few good years left in him I believe and I want them to be awesome for him! My request is to just get caught up on things and pay the building off so that I won't have that payment every month. Thanks again for all the comments, I have to get back to him ASAP as I'm in my house and he is calling me on the video monitor :)
Ok, he's napping so I wanted to give some more details. See, we purchased the cabin rent to own but it was a shell. My husband and I had to turn it into a cabin. Wiring, insulation, plumbing, built a bathroom, toilet, bathroom sink, shower, drywall, kitchen sink, tv, furniture, video monitor, door alarm. We liquidated all of the funds we had available to do this so my Dad could come home. He has a lot of spunk and probably would have died from depression in that nursing home. Here he see's his family daily, has cat's and dogs etc. Some people may think we made a bad choice but I think we made the best choice. My Dad has been an outstanding father and he deserves to have the best care that only I can give. I'm not saying nursing homes are not right for some but it's not the right choice in this situation :)
I appreciate the above information given in the comments but unfortunately not of much help. We don't need any house repairs or legal aid for the elderly. I am my Dad's power of Attorney. Again, thanks so much for the comments and I do like this forum. Very helpful place to share with others going through the same issues. I hope to see you on some other threads too! Heather
The title to this thread has been changed and the reference to the gofundme page has been deleted from the original post. So now the thread makes no sense at all. It should just be deleted.

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