Caregivers Need Support from Time to Time.

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I am new to this group and now I think I know how to use this web site. I care for my elderly husband and am glad to do it but somethimes the stress just gets to me and this last week has been bad. He is kind, caring and a sweetie but sometimes the demands of doing "it all" just get me down. I am able to get out during the day at times but worry about him falling while I am gone. He is very careful and uses his walker but the responsibility is sometimes a lot to carry. I just need a support group to talk to when it gets to be a little too much.

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Lily,
Happy to hear you are doing better. Caregiving is a hard job and sometimes we get lost in it all.
Being paid caregivers, we also have the added stress of answering to families. We can not ( or should not ) raise our voice in anger or frustration, set down and have a good cry, slam a door, or stomp across the floor. If we do those things we are considered abusive.
We know what we are getting into in this field of work, but we are not robots, and thank God for this sight, where we can raise our voice in anger or frustration, have a good cry, ect. and others understand and hopefully are not judgmental.
The feelings are the same, regardless of the situation.
So you take care of yourself, and keep posting. I want to know how things work out for you. God Bless.
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lindam,you a god send angel I'm glad I found this support group I learn that there are people on here for one another. And believe me there will be some one out there I will tell about this wonderful group so we will pick each other up when we feel down. And thank you lindam for being the one to pick me up when I was down. And things working out very well for me.And once again thank-you.
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Lilly,
The most important thing is for us to take care of ourselves. So you do what is right for you. This can be a very isolating job, and no matter the circumstances, it is a job. A hard job.
I wish you prayers and thoughts as you make a decision that is right for you. Let us know what your decision is. No matter what we are here for you. God bless
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thanks lindam: This is not the only live-in job I had. I had others in surrounding areas that paid very good. And it normal be me and another caregiver work a week off a week, which I been doing since 2001.And like you I love the job and the family been good to me and made me feel like a part of the family. And now where I'm at, I caring for this elderly lady who have parkinson,dementia, and diabetes along with her pets.And its just me and her. And every 5 to 6 weeks her daughter come down and relief me for 4 to 5 off.
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Lilly,
welcome to this sight. You will get a lot of support here. I am, at this time a paid caregiver and understand how you feel . But I also feel so much compassion for those that take care of family 24/7 with NO break.
That is not to say our feelings aren't just as important, because, at times we have the added stress of answering to families.
As far as you going to another job, only you can make that decision. I stay with my clients because all in all the family is very good to me. It has taken a year to get where we are as far as routine, trust, and me being able to set boundries and limits with my client.
You didn't say if there were any medical problems with your client or if she has dememtia or what. Let us know what you are dealing with.
I do all the things you spoke about also, but I do it out of boredom. I was hired to help my client and possibly mop once a week. I took on other things, as I said, out of boredom. Could not just set all day. But I also do other things on my own time, such as get their groceries, do the Wal-Mart run, because I get paid very good and am loyal to the family.
My client does things that makes me nuts and I get on here and vent. I get good solutions and alot of support.
So I wish you well in making your decision. The advantage we have is being able to pick and choose. I always go back to remembering how much others on this sight deal with on a day to day basis, and understand that no matter what goes on during my day, I get a break.
Maybe ararrangments can be made for you to take time off more often.
have you always been a caregiver or is this something new or something you chose to do for a living. More information will help others and me to help you better.
Keep posting, this is a great sight and I am glad you are here.
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I'm new to the group. I care for this elderly lady in my home town. And I get so stress out and burn out. because I'm here 6 weeks on and 4 to5 days off. I'm doing so much like cooking, cleaning,caring for her pets, driving her around, etc. Her daughter got onto me telling me that I'm slacking on the job. And it tearing me up on the inside. And on top of that I'm doing more for less pay. And I just got call for another job that is much easier, and they ask me how much I charge to work. I need this support group bad... HELP ME GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
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May sound strange, but as an adult, I view tears as cleansing to my spirit. Holding back tears tantamounts to holding it all in. To be able to release pain in a healthy way is a blessing. Today, like you, I allowed myself to "feel," and it was the greatest stress relief. You may be surprised to learn that it included a few silent tears, but I welcome those along with everything else. Life is a balance. Savor your cup of tea, and gently wipe your tears, ok? Hugs.
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Sunshine thanks for the kind words. I have been sitting here crying my eyes out and I am not sure why. I have nothing to be upset about right now. I want to take a wreath up to my son's grave and I don't know if I can do it this Christmas or not. His birthday in October was a horrible day, I cried all day and now that Christmas is coming it is getting harder as he passed away on Christmas at the age of 5. You would think after 40 years I could handle it. This is one of the reasons my daughter in law wants me to go to counceling. She said after living with my son for the past 25 years she does not think he ever grieved his brother and if he did not she is sure I didn't. My first marriage broke up right after that (his secretary was welcome to him) and I met Al nine years later. Al has such a good heart is is so sweet. Enough of me going on, I am going to make a cup of tea and pull myself together, tomorrow is going to be a great day, even if we are suppose to get some cold rainy weather. The 50's is cold for me, hope it dosn'nt go much below that. I sat out in the sun and had my latte today, was just so nice. I'm spoiled. No snow for this gal................ Peg
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Peg, welcome! You have a lot going on, and it is also great that your daughter-in-law is not only a nurse, but a straight-shooter. For me only, I have always gravitated toward friends who will tell me what they think I need to hear rather than those who may tell me what they think I want to hear. Your daughter-in-law sounds like a gem. Having others to talk to in real-time is always helpful for a caregiver to avoid feeling overwhelmed and isolated. It is so easy to feel like you are all alone simply because of everything that you are facing and doing without coming up for air. It is the old craegiver treadmill life! I so identify with your "up-and-down" comment! If there is one thing I, too, would say about caregiving is that it is a roller coaster ride, meaning that sometimes you just have to hold on tight, either because you don't know what else to do, because you may be afraid, or are simply not looking forward to the next up-and-down swing. For me it helps to occasionally think about how I might feel if I were not in optimum health and someone else had to take care of me. I am sure I would have my moments of acting up and acting out as I am merely flesh and blood. Glad to hear that you are enjoying this website. It is a real blessing for so many caregivers, including me. Chat away, new friend! There will always be someone who cares. Peace.
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Thanks Lindam: Today has been an up and down one. I had a long talk with my daughter-in-law this morning and told her everything that has been going on. She is someone I can talk to and get straight answers even if they are ones I don't want to hear. She is a nurse and a very good one. She feels that the caregiving is not the only thing bothering me, that I am carrying around some baggage that I need to dump. She suggested I request counceling and try to get to the bottom of it. It's really strange, my granddaughter said the same thing the other day. I took them both to heart and took put the steps in motion to see if this is something I want to do. My sister, who is my best friend has gone through colon cancer in the past year and we talk every night on Yahoo Messenger (saves the phone bill) and we are always there for each other. Must go, make my tea, get hubby settled. Took my grandkids to the airport tonight, they are meeting my daughter and her husband at LAX tonight along with 20 other members of her dads family and they are all spending a Christmas weekend in Disneyland. Hope they have some good weather. Have a great weekend and God Bless. Good to be on here, I feel the support coming through the web from all. Nite. Peg
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