Agression, combative, critical.

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I am the care give to my mother who has some dementia. In home health care comes in several times a week to check vitals. I administer meds, cook, clean, transport, etc. She is critical of everything I do. She demeans me to home health staff, neighbors and a few friends that she has maintained. She blames me any difficulty in the home and when I attempt to make tasks for her easier she accuses me of calling her, "Insane". I put an extra trash can in the bath room for to put used diapers in as opposed to her attempting to flush and cause plumbing issues. This caused a "Hissy fit".
I am exhausted and emotionally worn out. I am attempting to find a daytime elder care site to give her some other activities and socialization. She has basically one friend that has attempted to stay in contact. She is critical and argumentative with others and has alienated many. There are very few who want to be in her company for any length of time.
I any one has any suggestions on how to respond or avoid being screamed at on a daily basis, I'll be happy to hear.


Have you read the Caregiver Burnout section on this website?
Yes, I just read the Burnout section and I have almost every symptom. I am trying to find a day care facility to give myself a break. I'm sure that won't diminish the quilt I'll feel, but it's a start.
luanna, don't feel guilty for trying to get some respite care for yourself. You are trying to take the best care that you can of your mother, and with dementia; you need all the help you can get. If something happens to you, then what?

Hope you can find some help, you need and deserve it. Sending hugs.
Oh dear, I thought for a moment you were describing my mother-in-law. I am the primary caregiver 24/7 to my 90 yr old mother-in-law with mobility issues/fall risk/beginnings of alzheimer's/almost deaf & won't wear hearing aids/sight issues/can no longer cook or even heat a cup of coffee without putting in the wrong time on microwave/can't pour a cup of coffee without accidently pouring it onto to herself (she scalded herself once)/incontinence issues/sometimes loses control of bowels/she is aggressive, combative, rude, critical, accuses me of stealing her things when SHE is the one hiding them in dumb places & can't find it later/won't wash her hands after using bathroom/can't walk very far and MUST have walker, just letting you know that I can feel your pain. It's hard. I am trying to escape depression & exhaustion. Hugs and best wishes for better days ahead.

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