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During a trip down south with my mother & brother to Nashville; my daughter & her fiancee' drove hrs to visit us for a couple days from KY. We hadn't seen her in over a year and a half. I was excited to say the least; taken my Mom to a place she's always wanted to go; the Opry & Graceland! My problem started when my 44 yo half-brother that has down's syndrome forgot to brush his teeth. He jumped out of bed not wanting to forget this ritual. He went to the main bathroom in the hotel where my daughter happened to be. My mother jumped out of bed, yelling at him to the bathroom and once there was pulling his arm & tryin to tell him his toothbrush is in the bedroom bathroom. She apparently moved their toothbrushes to the bedroom bath but didn't tell him that. Anyway, my step-brother; being very rigid and bound to his structured behavior; stood there at the sink looking for his toothbrush. My daughter saw my mother slap him on the back when he wouldn't move to the bedroom! I heard her say from the bathroom, "Grammy, you didn't have to hit him!" OMG, I was stunned & mad! I thought, if I get up; I'm goin to make things worse, so I will approach her in the morning about this. I also have alot of faith in my 23 y/o daughter's judgement. I thought; she said the right thing at the time. I laid in bed until I heard my mother snoring; then got up and asked my daughter about it. She said my Mother after yelling, pullin on his arm; she then "wailed" him on the back with a big slap! She had the look of evil in her face she's never seen. Her fiancee' told her he heard the slap in the livingroom! I cried all nite, and finally fell asleep. I have been my brother & my mother's caretakers for years; spending 3 nites a week there for over a year. She's been afraid to stay alone now that she's 90. I get zero help from my other brother's who live closer than I. My problem is, after confronting her calmly the next morning alone, she began calling us all liars! She first said her hands couldn't hurt him with all the arthritis. Then she says she "tapped him" on the back. Now she tells people she only touched him on the shoulder! I heard my daughter tell her she didn't have to hit him but still I'm a liar & so is everyone else! My daughter would never lie about her grandmother hitting her special needs son & her fiancee' has no motive to lie either. She never would have said that if it was just a tap. It's ridiculous! She has hit us kids & althought I've never seen her hit her son before; I have seen her emotionally abuse him when he doesn't come back with something she told him to get. She gets this evil, uncontrollable angry look to her. She is very narcissitic, which I've learned after reading many other stories on this site. Anyway, the following day I told her how my daughter would be hurt & never speak to her again for calling her a liar; and she said, "no reat loss!" What? Then she proceeds to say, what has she done for me? I said love you like a granddaughter should! She said, she didn't even send me a card for my birthday. I told her her own sons didn't send her a card! I'm hurt my mother not only denies hitting her special needs son, but says these hurtful things that a grandmother shouldn't say. I have stuck by her thru her own life supporting her through a bad marriage that she destroyed, her health, her emotionally well-being everything! I am my brother's guardian and told her if I ever see or hear of this again; I will take her son home with me. Her response, to that was "not for long!". I just wish she would have acknowledged it by saying I shouldn't have done that; I lost my temper, something! Instead, she denies it, called us all liars and said hateful things regarding my daughter. My neice, who've I been very close to; is not talking to me. She had called during this time & my mother told her about it and that it never happened, she's a Christian woman, blah, blah. I spoke to her & told her what my daughter told me and gave the phone back to my Mom. Get this, after my Mom got off the phone, she looked at me and said, "Lynn doesn't believe you, we're like this...crossing her fingers together! That was like the evilest thing she could ever say; while she lied through her teeth! My problem is how do I see my brother without seeing my Mom? I am his guardian, and will still take him when she is gone. I feel like I should report this; but I didn't 'SEE" it happen. I believe my daughter felt the need to say it because she did hit him and her fiancee' heard it. She is totally losing it now and being downright mean bad mouthing me and my family for really, doing the right thing and confronting her. This has made me realize she is toxic, hateful and a user who will turn on you the minute you go against what she says or does. She's done this to me so many times before. My husband & children don't want me to go back cause she's hurt me so much over the years. Am I wrong in wanting to let go of her forever over this?

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i dont think a 90 yr old lady could slap someone very hard. when someone is frail and in poor health it isnt uncommon for them to be hateful and mean. im not defending her actions i just think youre letting it upset you too much.. i mean no disrespect by that. were all humans and prone to misunderstandings and drama.
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Brokenheart57,
I am so sorry to hear the dilemma that your mother put you and your daughter in. Not to mention her son. I am living with and caregiving my mother 74 and my disabled brother 44. I really know what you are going thru.
I can tell by the way you wrote the story that you are very hurt and need someway to cut ties with all this. I dont by no means have the answer to this for you; but, I have some experience that may help.
My mother has been a manipulator with my deceased father as far back as I can remember. To keep this short, I will skip a bunch load of stuff. She made all of us feel guilty about something. If we had a birthday, no way would she let us have a party. Then when we ate the cake, we had to make darn sure that our faces did not in any way refect bad taste, or it being ugly. We grew up in bickering, abusive language and suck it up don't address any issue.
As far as you wanting to write your mom off completely, I personally think since she is 90, if something happened to her, you would not at this point be able to handle the feelings that will come. As far as your half brother, you are the Guardian. You really need to take care of him. He doesn't need to be alone with mom. Is there anyway you could get help with taking care of him? There are lots of programs, that he may qualify for to get him out of the house some and other things.
I just want you to know that the tears fell, before I read half of the story for you. You are a strong woman to put up this so far. Continue to be strong. Be a strong mom, wife, Guardian and caretaker.
Peace and love to you and your family.
Let all these kind people(they are jewels)give you advice so you can put your puzzle pieces together.
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When my mother denies doing something, I say, "Fine, just don't do it again." In this instance I would have said it was a very bad thing and not to ever do it again. Period. Then let it go unless something else happened down the road. People can react in the moment when under stress, such as traveling.

Still, your mother does sound like she could be a mean one. I would keep my eye out on her.
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Broken, if you're the guardian for your brother, then WHY is he living with a mother that treats him so poorly? I say, dump mom and keep the brother.
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No, you are not wrong... when you hear of someone who is being unfairly treated, you react... and as you said, your daughter has no reason to make up something like that. We all have a 'number' so to speak... a number of times we allow something to happen before changes have to be made... sounds like this was your 'number'.... do what you have to do to ensure his saftey and detach from her and not subject yourself to this any longer....
Let us know how you and your brother are.... keep us posted... sending you hugs of encourgement to do what you feel is right....
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