Dad has been living in an independent living apartment in a retirement community a half hour away from me and my sister, the past 4 years since Mom died. He doesn’t love the place where he is, but he’s used to it. Three weeks ago he was hospitalized...I think he stopped eating and drinking for a few days even though we had hired home support to look in on him every day, so he lost a lot of weight and fell. He went into rehab, and is being discharged on Thursday with a recommendation for assisted living. The place where he is doesn’t have any assisted living units available, so we’re going to put him back in his apartment with a full time aide while we figure out the next step. Another place very close to me and my sister does have an apartment that is kind of assisted living; he’d be checked on a few times a day and prompted for meals and medications. This seems like it would be barely enough, at least for now...dad has vascular dementia and my main worry is that he needs assistance washing himself. But I guess we could hire an aide to help with anything the place doesn't provide. The place he is now provides good care and peace of mind that he will be cared for medically. But I’m pretty sure my dad will hate moving to a new apartment there, having less autonomy, and, as before, not seeing us more than a couple times a week and being stuck having meals with strangers. He doesn’t do activities except with us and will not make a lot of friends in either new place. We’d love to have him closer so we could visit him nearly every day, which he enjoys, but what if the staff attentiveness and medical care at the new place turns out to be less reliable? I think he’d be happier there because he could see us at least a few times a week and it is a more diverse place in a more urban area, which Dad likes—but is it worth the upheaval of changing his insurance and his doctors, and the risk that he won’t be as well cared for? I guess we are choosing between Dad’s overall well-being and our convenience of visiting him on the one hand, and the peace of mind of knowing that at least his physical, if not his mental, health is being cared for even if we are not able to see him as often, on the other. I just don’t know how to answer that question. I'm afraid of being filled with guilt if things go wrong with either decision. Any suggestions?