This is when the person has resently retired or has disabilities that forced retirement but able to living independently.
If you as a daughter have the caregiving mentality and you want to be available presently (you will have frequent family contacts...your "caregiving" has started. If you see, your abilities not being adequate in the future. Engage your parent to look into the future and both come up with possabilities. There will come a time when I can not do it anymore...what would you like to do? (get him or her involved). If your relationship has and continues to be disfunctional you have to have some counsel to alter your behavior and this takes time. The whole thing changes if you are "greedy" and you want as much possable....your parent will be either agreeing or disagreeing. That money is for "care". If you get your name on the property 5 years before he has spent his resourses it is no longer a resourse. The "stay at home no matter what" may always be in a persons mind. If your family was and is disfunctional you need some counsel to change your ways and the results will be "a peaceful mind". This takes time.

What I did for my parents was create a 3-ring binder and inside that binder I had typed out questions for the future. Such as location of their birth certificate/marriage license, or to place the certificate in a plastic shield in the 3 ring binder..... Their social security numbers..... Where can I locate their legal documents, such as Power of Attorney and Will....

name of the insurance carrier for the house.... location of car titles or place in plastic holder to put in binder.... section on finances, what banks and locations, their credit card numbers, and what items are auto pulled from the bank to pay monthly.... who is their stock broker, company and phone number.... do they have a safe deposit box, if so, location and where is the key....

If they wanted elder care such as caregivers to come to the house, or rather to go senior living.... final plans, what funeral home, what church, what cemetery.... and special items to give to relatives.... and place the binder [I used red as it was easier to find among all the 3-binders that my Dad had] in an easy to find location.

Of course the binder is only as good as the information place, if any. When I needed to use my Dad's binder, the only thing he had was an advertisement taped for the name, etc of the funeral home. Believe it not, that was huge help. My Dad always told me we wanted to be buried back in his home State of Iowa, to which I use to respond "thanks for narrowing it down".

My sig-other and I both have these red notebooks in case something happens.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to freqflyer

Events will happen that will make the decisions for you. This is inevitable over time. Take care of yourself and accept that you can’t force change on anyone else
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Reply to Daughterof1930

You aren't responsible for planning out the life of a family member; they are.
Yes, I would get counseling so that I could take care of my OWN life and future, and so that I could form healthy boundaries from "dysfunctional family". The best place for dysfunctional family is 3,000 miles away.
I would never for a second contemplate being a caregiver in a dysfunctional family; that way madness lies.
Good luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

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