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I dont know what's worse, an elderly parent who can do everything by himself but still cannot live alone or one who needs round the clock care. I know an elderly parent who needs round the clock care is worse but I cannot take much more of this situation.

My father requires attention and not for dressing, bathing etc. he wants to be catered to at all times. If you do not do what he wants when he wants it done, he will spend the rest of the day trying to get on your last nerve. I work from home full time. It is diffcult to concentrate, because for most of the day he walks back and forth, or up and down the stairs. It can get quite annoying. He refuses to go to the Senior Center or to do anything except go grocery shopping with our HHA. All other times he goes up and down the stairs acting as the home security guard. As soon as I get up in the morning, he gets up and blasts his television. If someone needs to use the bathroom, he needs to use it also. You never know when the next argument is going to take place. Today he was angry at me for saying I was making my own plans for the weekend. My sister is coming this weekend and he thinks Im going to spend my mother's day weekend catering to her. He informed me that he is not worried about Mother's Day since he and my sister have so many things to do. He said he doesnt want to spend money to take me as well as HHA out for Mother's Day. Isnt that nice ?

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No, it is not nice.

Time for some tough love, dear.

Why can't your father live on his own? What are his specific infirmaries. It is acceptable to "cater" to a specific impairment, but rudeness and selfishness do not fall in that category.

Your house, your rules. No TV blasting. Wireless ear phones are a wonderful solution. He goes to the senior center at least x times a week. Etc.

He needs to treat you with respect. You need to be gentle about his real impairments. You do not need to be a doormat.

Set rules. Enforce them. Start investigating other supervised housing arrangements that can deal with whatever his impairments are and where you can visit as a loving daughter and not have to deal with disrespect.
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No, it's not nice. You are being used for a doormat. If he is not demented and has not other reasonable excuse for being selfish, it sounds toxic as h*ll and it would seem that you should make other plans for living arrangements. You would not resent someone who physically needed you full time and in some ways that would be eaiser. With your father though, sounds like there are a lot of "needs" that are being made unnecessarily onerous. You'd probably be glad to so some things for him to make him happy if that was possible, but you could give him 200% of your time, effort, and energy, all for nothing that actually benefits either one of you. You most likely should, at a minimum, take a leave of absence from the situation and perhaps not be so completely taken for granted.
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