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I think perhaps you might try saying: "I understand that you are angry. We all get angry sometimes and it is okay. Can you tell me why you are angry?" I have been surprised many times by getting an answer! And one that made sense and had a simple solution.
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Is there a reason why you want this person to remember what they just did? So that they will apologize to you for their behavior? So that you can "discuss" their behavior with them in the hopes that the behavior will stop?

The Teepa Snow videos about dealing with dementia mentioned by jeannegibbs are a good source of information.

And you might consider looking for possible causes of agitation (See cwillie's list of common causes of agitation) and then determine if there is something that you can do to decrease the agitation by changing how you act before the tantrum occurs.
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I dont acknowledge it when she has them o walk away from it but couple mins later she doesn’t realize what happened.
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I can tell you what the pros in a facility would do - they would have a meeting to discuss why the person is so agitated and try to come up with strategies to alleviate that. Common causes of agitation include....

Pain and discomfort from sitting in the same position, illness or injury

Changes in environment or routine


Lack of sleep

Hunger or thirst


Medications that can cause aggression and agitation

Being too cool or warm

Impending medical procedures

Poor communication

Routine disruptions

Poor lighting
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Calm and comfort her. She must have been very angry and distressed to have that reaction. Her violent reaction may even scare her. Make her feel safe. You don't need to talk about the throwing things or the tantrum.

Teepa Snow trains professional caregivers to deal with many aspects of dementia. Many short videos of her lessons are on youtube. She gets into specific detail, such as where to stand when talking to them (next to them, on their dominant side), how to hold their hand, etc. Find a few of them on diffusing anger, and see what you think.
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The smarty- pants answer would be to say “duck!”, but I know what you mean. There are no rules for understanding someone with dementia and you can’t predict what they will do next. You can ask them if they know they almost brained you with a bedpan and you’ll just get a blank look or they’ll blame it on someone else who might or might not really exist. If my mom didn’t like something, it would come flying out her door. We finally started keeping her door partway closed so she didn’t injure anyone coming down the hall in the facility.

I don’t recognize your user name, but if you are new to this site, welcome, and stick around. You’ll learn a lot here. Mostly that there’s no road map for the journey of dementia. It’s different for everyone and you take the journey day by day.

I would say however, to do what I did. I removed all heirlooms and breakable things from Mom’s room. I took away scissors and nail files. She got no knives with meals. That way, if she did throw something, it could make a mess but not injure her or anyone else.
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