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While my mother is in the hospital, I am taking care of my father (95 years old). I work full time and have caregivers come in. He has gotten along with most of them but the last one he yelled at her to get out of the house and locked the door on her. She said she was afraid because he was very angry. My father has also been very angry at me. He yells at me, says he is going to punch me, and comes toward me in a threatening way. I contacted the doctor and told him about this increasingly disturbing behavior. He then prescribed some medication that can address this issue. My husband does not like my father's behavior and does not want him in the house anymore. I don't like the way his angry outbursts make me feel. It makes me sick. I know it is the disease, I know I should not take it personally and not engage with him. But his behavior is upsetting the harmony in my home. All the advice I read about not engaging when a dementia patient's rants and raves is not reality. This evening I wanted to visit my mother in the hospital and usually my father is willing to go with me, but this evening he yelled that he wasn't going and said he would punch me. I can't leave him alone so we didn't go. I was very disappointed that I couldn't see my mother. I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. I am very unhappy. What can I do?

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I agree with MACinCT. Spot on accurate.
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Going through pretty much the same myself. My 80 year old mother has become hateful, evil, mean and quite nasty to staff. Gets mad and throws F bombs just offering her a shower which she refuses. The rest of the residents were playing a game and having fun. My mom sat with her face to the wall and her back to everyone being mad. She is in memory care at assisted living. I told them to put her on some kind of happy pill. Not fair that staff put up with the abuse. Sometimes you just get weary of fighting it so I said "GIVER HER A PILL!!!" Even without dementia she could be very, very nasty and verbally abusive. I do not feel staff should have to put up with it. They work hard and take good care of her.

She is in assisted living in the memory care area that is locked. She has her own room with bath, a flat screen TV, cable and a small fridge that I keep stocked with water for her. Very nice room. There's a small courtyard that is also locked. She can go and sit outside whenever she pleases. Three chef-prepared meals per day and snacks and her behavior to others is just as nasty as it can be. I take her for outings to her favorite restaurant, get her hair cut and she has a good time. Yes, and she is even nasty to me.

Discussed with my sister who lives in another state and we decided she needs to be on something so that she won't be so nasty. Be more docile, agreeable and tolerable. Not a zombie. A chill pill of some kind. Make no mistake, she is my mom, I love her and will always be there for her but the nastiness MUST be dealt with. So, a chill pill for her it is! Her doctor will be assessing her to see what is appropriate and I have the understanding that it will take a few weeks to take effect.

Whatever you need to do to help your dad chill out absolutely do not feel bad about it. I'm done feeling bad about it. And I had to learn to stop beating myself up about the way things are and take care of myself. God bless and take care of yourself for your own sanity.
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You said the Dr prescribed medicine . How long has he been on it? Is it helping at all? Is it worse? Contact Dr and give him your observation and rule out underlying health problem such as UTI. It's a plus his Dr listened to you. Hopefully it will calm soon. I've just had to do a medicine re evaluation to help my mom have a quality of life. Prayers for you:)
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You are right all the advice in the world does not help unless the person knows this person background something that happened to him long a go. My mother is going through this faze right now. And day after day it is becoming quite annoying, there is no one else to take care of my mother, so the only thing that helps me is finding an old TVland show (like Andy Griffith), turn the television up a little so it can get her attention when they are laughing and I leave the room. No exchange of words what so ever, I keep an eye on her from a distance. She either go to sleep or just settles down. Hope it helps a little I understand but take care of yourself. God Bless
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I'd be very careful to protect yourself and family members. People who suffer with dementia can act out in ways that are out of character. Please make sure there are no weapons at his disposal. I'd immediately get him a consult with a psychiatrist to explore proper medication. There are so many issues involved. I'd also seek legal advice regarding your responsibility, if any.
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It is almost time to get him emergency psych care when these outbursts occur. The outburst should trigger an emergency admission to get medications started
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My mother went through a time when she got very angry. It was usually when she needed to do something she didn't want to do, or when she wanted me to do something and I said no. It was a control issue. It made me angry when she started raging, so I would just leave them room. Later she often apologized, but the apology never meant much, since I knew it would happen again soon. I'm glad I left the room when she was mad. It would have served no purpose to say anything back to her. It would just make her temper worse.

Leaving the room is easy enough for family, but harder for caregivers. Is there anything in particular that sets him off? Or is it a random thing? If there is something in particular, you might warn them how to handle it. Other than that, I don't know what to recommend. Let his doctor know that he is having incidents of rage. His doctor may have an idea of what might help.
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