While my mother is in the hospital, I am taking care of my father (95 years old). I work full time and have caregivers come in. He has gotten along with most of them but the last one he yelled at her to get out of the house and locked the door on her. She said she was afraid because he was very angry. My father has also been very angry at me. He yells at me, says he is going to punch me, and comes toward me in a threatening way. I contacted the doctor and told him about this increasingly disturbing behavior. He then prescribed some medication that can address this issue. My husband does not like my father's behavior and does not want him in the house anymore. I don't like the way his angry outbursts make me feel. It makes me sick. I know it is the disease, I know I should not take it personally and not engage with him. But his behavior is upsetting the harmony in my home. All the advice I read about not engaging when a dementia patient's rants and raves is not reality. This evening I wanted to visit my mother in the hospital and usually my father is willing to go with me, but this evening he yelled that he wasn't going and said he would punch me. I can't leave him alone so we didn't go. I was very disappointed that I couldn't see my mother. I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. I am very unhappy. What can I do?
Leaving the room is easy enough for family, but harder for caregivers. Is there anything in particular that sets him off? Or is it a random thing? If there is something in particular, you might warn them how to handle it. Other than that, I don't know what to recommend. Let his doctor know that he is having incidents of rage. His doctor may have an idea of what might help.
She is in assisted living in the memory care area that is locked. She has her own room with bath, a flat screen TV, cable and a small fridge that I keep stocked with water for her. Very nice room. There's a small courtyard that is also locked. She can go and sit outside whenever she pleases. Three chef-prepared meals per day and snacks and her behavior to others is just as nasty as it can be. I take her for outings to her favorite restaurant, get her hair cut and she has a good time. Yes, and she is even nasty to me.
Discussed with my sister who lives in another state and we decided she needs to be on something so that she won't be so nasty. Be more docile, agreeable and tolerable. Not a zombie. A chill pill of some kind. Make no mistake, she is my mom, I love her and will always be there for her but the nastiness MUST be dealt with. So, a chill pill for her it is! Her doctor will be assessing her to see what is appropriate and I have the understanding that it will take a few weeks to take effect.
Whatever you need to do to help your dad chill out absolutely do not feel bad about it. I'm done feeling bad about it. And I had to learn to stop beating myself up about the way things are and take care of myself. God bless and take care of yourself for your own sanity.