My dad fell twice today because of dizziness. There's no assisted livings in my town that have Medicaid beds and he's not "bad" enough for a nursing home. Even if there was openings, he couldn't go because the facility would take his SS check and leave my mom with next to nothing to live on since the rent is so high. If my dad goes to a facility, my mom will have to go back to a nursing home that also has to accept Medicaid. I'm pressuring our social workers to get a move on with this Medicaid waiver program that pays for in-home health, but it's taking so long. I really truly believe that more home health will prevent a lot of these issues - mainly preventing the drinking that causes the dizziness. I don't know what to do. He refuses a hospital, and I can't make him go either. Just let him keep falling and calling 911 until we get more home health in there??

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If one spouse is on Medicaid they do not leave the other spouse indigent.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to JoAnn29

You are so involved with every detail of your parents care, I was sure you were close by or even in the same house.

At 21, just living on your own is a feat. But managing your own life, plus both your parents affairs, problem solving, in this learn as we go challenge, and do it all from afar, is so impressive!

Now I know it doesn't mean a hill of beans whether some random lady, on a random web site is impressed. And that's so true. I just hope you know you're an amazing daughter, woman and caregiver! 👍💞🌷
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Reply to Pepsee

AJ, may I ask, how is your Dad getting the alcohol? And how would a caregiver help Dad not to drink? Would that put the caregiver at a risk if your Dad was adamant about wanting alcohol?

I see from your profile, your parents are in their early 60's, both have issues with alcohol, so young to be going through this.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to freqflyer

Hi aj,
I agree with the other posters. Medicaid will NOT leave your mother destitute.

Alcohol dehydrates the body. Your dad could be suffering from dehydration then falling from the dizziness it causes. Or, the alcohol could throw his balance off (that's why they stumble) and he falls.

I grew up with 2 alcoholics, so I understand the situation.

I'm sorry to say, your parents are not going to stop drinking just because there are more c/g's in the house. An alcoholic will find a way to get a drink. They are very resourceful.

I'm afraid that you'll probably have to let them make a mess of their lives because you have no power to make them stop drinking, move into a facility, accept caregivers help or anything else.

Unfortunately, your dad may fall and break a bone. He will be in the hospital then in rehab. Maybe he would need long-term care after that. This is IF he has a fracture.

It sounds like they would be better off in Assisted Living/Nursing Home. They would not be allowed to drink there. Your parents would need to be detoxed before moving to prevent going through withdrawal.

It is a very frustrating situation, to watch the demise of your parents and not be able to do anything about it.

Your profile says you have accepted the fact that they are alcoholics and you can distance yourself from their drama. Good, that's a hard lesson to learn. I'd suggest trying to do that.

A lot of times we want to "fix" things but we can't.

I'm sorry. It's such a waste.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to SueC1957

The dizziness could be from low blood pressure but also could be many other diagnosis. Do they own a BP machine? If so, can he use it?
Falls happen in the blink of an eye & can occur anywhere even with paid CG’s in the room.
Have you checked with the AL you want your dad to go to about the availability of a Medicaid bed? Even with a Medicaid waiver it may take a long time for a bed to be open.
I suggest thinking about a Plan B, in the event your father won’t get admitted to an AL due to Medicaid as the payor.
Be prepared as you are basically watching over both of your parents which can be a handful (as many here would agree).
Good luck! I know it’s hard when you live hours away from them as well.
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Reply to Shane1124

If he falls at home, he will fall at Assisted Living. Try to figure out if he's falling or fainting. Talk to the doctor. Get him to order home physical therapy/occuprational therapy.
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Reply to jjariz

Before the Medicaid Long Term Care (formerly waiver) kicks in, does he also have Medicare? Because he has had falls and dizziness, his PCP can order home health through Medicare and he would receive an RN and aides for an initial period of 8 weeks, and then if they would recertify him, that can be extended. That could help until LTC can kick in. Also, was he ever a Veteran? If so, you can check with the VA for benefits.

Ok, so I skimmed the question much too quickly and did not see about the alcohol.  The above still can apply but as someone else said, the aide care may only be a few hours /week.  I was married to an alcoholic in my second marriage.  I would drive him to the AA meeting and wait in the car for him until it was over.  Months later, I found out that he went in the front door and walked to the bar and drank and then came back to the meeting place and out the front door.  And hiding places for the alcohol?  I never knew there could be so many hiding places! Oh, and his daughter told me that when he lived with them, he would call a cab to go to the liquor store and deliver it to him.

I'm sure you really care about your parents, but at such a young age, it is good you moved away.  You must live your own life.  Your parents are still young in their 60's and have made their own choices and you may think you have to help them which is what I thought when I realized that my new husband was alcoholic.  But the day that I had the revelation that by trying to help him, I was essentially trying to "fix" him,  and no one can fix another. I moved away, divorced him, and 15 years later, know that that was the right decision.  Live your life, Young One, and pray for them and do good things in your life, but make it your life, because you are important, too!
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Myownlife

Sorry, I don't know your family history but he is going to keep falling even in an AL or NH, what you need to do is work on the cause of the falls and how to deal with them after they have happened. If he is falling because of drinking then that needs to stop - does he understand that the alternative is that you will eventually put him into a facility? Has he had any PT and does he use a walker/rollator to help with his balance?

Once he falls who is picking him up; that is too much for most women to handle without help, some areas allow you to call fire or ems for assistance getting him up without having to transport to the hospital.
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Reply to cwillie

i don't know who gets the alcohol but its not the caregivers. My parents never drink in front of caregivers. I talked to him and he said that he leaves his walker by the bathroom door instead of bringing it in with him, and that's where he fell today. i'm really hoping once he goes on Medicaid, goes to the doctor, and gets something for dizziness, and has a frequent presence of a caregiver, this will stop. My parents only drink when caregivers are not there, but if they're there more often this will slow down some.
No i don't live with my parents. I live 6 hours away.
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Reply to aj6044

aj I think you are still missing the point that until addicts are ready to change, just institutionalization is pointless. He would need to be locked up but once released, he would be back at it unless he chooses to stop. Have you ever attended Alanon locally? I don't mean to be cruel here. It is not just the way the system works, but about the disease of addiction.
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Reply to MACinCT

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