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Mom is in a memory care facility. She is very frail and is often confused and forgetful. Twice in the past she may have been hit by a couple of residents. These incidents were not witnessed by anyone else. Director stated we cannot know what actually happened.


Now another resident hit he with his open hand, in front of my sister and other witnesses.


I live in another state and have her medical POA.


I have waited a couple of days for a report of what happened and what they plan to do to prevent this from happening again.


Mom has been there about 18 month. I wonder if I should move her to another facility. Beyond these three incidents, we have been satisfied with the facility and staff.

You should definitely look at a few other facilities to move your mother to. Also, talk to the state's Ombudsman. Tell them that your mother has been hit multiple times and that you and your sister personally witnesses a male resident hit her in front of you (it would have been within your rights to physically defend her). If the Ombudsman has their act together and does their job, they will get on this facility hard for it.

There is supposed to be staff at the memory care to prevent violence against other residents from happening. Director says they can't be "sure" what happened, my a$$. Here's one thing that you can be sure of. The memory care does not have enough security staff (or likely any) to patrol and watch the areas where the residents have access to. They also do not have cameras in the common areas. There should be security footage that will show exactly what happened. The fact that your mother was assaulted right in front of you is pretty strong evidence of the facility's gross incompetence as far as safety and security measures go.

You should talk to a personal injury lawyer about a potential lawsuit being brought against the facility. There are two kinds of people who get a care facility to clean up its act. Those people are Ombudsmans and lawyers.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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I live in NY state. When one of the residents became violent like that the family had to move him out of the facility. I think first he left the memory care floor for another floor but check the rules at the nursing home. Being abused by anyone is not to be tolerated and if the facility is not reporting it, that alone is something you should report and yes, seek another place. I also agree the Ombudsman should be called. I believe you can arrange an emergency meeting with the staff. I am sorry your mother has to go through this. My own mother used to say, “ We struggle to come into this world and we struggle to go out.”
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Reply to NadineAnne
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If the head nurse, resident advisor or social worker at your mom's care facility isn't acting or responding, then speak with the Ombudsman for the facility. They have to tell you who their ombudsman is-usually there are signs posted around the facility. The ombudsman is a highly trained volunteer who can help on your mother's behalf. Best wishes.
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Reply to DianaFS
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MargaretMcKen Jul 6, 2024
The ombudsman may be a volunteer in your location, but I'm surprised. Here the ombudsman is a public servant who has NO boss and is independent. I can't see how an ombudsman works out without government backing.
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Get an attorney to write a letter to the director of the facility stating the facts of what your sister witnessed and requesting an explanation of what they will do to protect your mother. The director will have to get the facility's legal team involved. Why should your mother be the one to have to move and suffer all that change and upset?
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Reply to NYDaughterInLaw
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Funcountess Jul 2, 2024
If there are people witnessing a problem, then I hope something can be done, BUT if no one is around, the director of a facility, does NOTHING.
I’ve been in many facilities, and can say most are the same. Best to have in home caregiving.
most facilities have a RN, but from what I saw most are paid to keep their mouth shut.
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Personally I would Move My Mom to another facility - Unless they can expel this Man who hit your Mom .
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Reply to KNance72
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Your Medical POA has nothing to do with how Mom is treated in MC. Who is her POA? Your sister had the right to say something to the DON and Administrator. This man is aggressive and should not be in MC unless medicated for this aggression. Call the police and see if you can report it. Assault is assault.

Medical POA means you carry out Moms wishes. You talk to the doctors and nurses concerning medical treatment. If a procedure has to be done not covered in the Medical POA, then you decide based on "what would Mom want". But, IMO, Mom getting slapped by a fellow resident could be handled by the Financial POA since that person is paying the bills and should be responsible in transferring Mom. Your sister could have filed a complaint being a witness and called the police. A resident hitting other residents should not be allowed.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I'd call the police and report the ...ASSAULT !!!
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Reply to Pyrite
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NYDaughterInLaw Jul 2, 2024
It doesn't work that way with people who are in memory care. The police are not going to haul away a demented person.
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One of them has to go. I'd opt to get the other violent resident to go if you are otherwise satisfied with this facility.
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Reply to Geaton777
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You have enough red flags, move her ASAP - this is at least the third incident that you know of, it isn't a one time thing that came without warning.
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Reply to cwillie
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I think the “call the cops” folks would be singing a different tune if their loved one had been the aggressor. People with dementia are not “choosing violence”—their brains are malfunctioning.
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Reply to MissesJ
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MiaMoor Jul 2, 2024
I do agree. A person with dementia isn't responsible.
However, the facility is responsible and I wonder if calling the police could help with ensuring that the care facility protects the residents, including the one who has become violent.
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