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We recently had my MIL moved from IL to AL due to increased dementia. Her physical health is fairly good, but her short-term-memory is "for sh*t", as in she remembers nothing beyond 5 minutes. My husband talked to her yesterday and she asked him to call his father to tell her where she is. His father has been gone for over 11 years. He calmly stated that dad had been deceased for quite some time, which didn't upset her, but it also didn't change her request. How do we answer her? Is it better to just say, "ok, mom, we'll let dad know" or should we be gently reminding her that he hasn't been with us for quite some time? I've posted on the AL board that this transition hasn't gone smoothly, in part, because we live 7 hours away. I don't want to add to her anxiety by saying the wrong thing. Any advice?

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Thanks for the insight. I'll pass it along to my husband.
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Whatever works works. I see no need to upset a dementia patient. I go along with any requests and try to give them comfort, encouragement and reassurance that their requests are being honored.

You have to live in the moment, because that's all she has in her world. And you will never win in the argument. She won't remember in 5 minutes, so after all that convincing, you have only accomplished upsetting her with no real gains.
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I agree with Maggie. I volunteered in an Alheimer's facility. Our brother in law was there, so I made so many friends of these wonderful people. One thing I learned is not to try to correct them. Just play along. Sometimes, the playing along is over quickly other times it went on for some time. I had one guy swear his cab was coming and he would be going to the airport. That ended up being a good story for a book. It is not called lying....It is living in their world now and then. God Bless
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Why remind her of something she won't remember 5 minutes from now?

"Okay, mom. We'll let him know." I'd play right into her delusions as long as she doesn't get upset.
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