My mother tries my patience on a good day but I usually manage to stay calm....failing that I go to my car or garage and scream
Today is a scream day. Firstly she doesnt want me to go out this afternoon for something I have had planned for 6 months. I will be out 90 minutes and providing she goes to the toilet before I go and they lays on the bed no harm can come to her.
So 10 minutes after me reminding her we were having lunch at lunchtime she decided to soil herself royally, followed by the words you cant go out if I am like this all day. Now if she hadnt added those words they would have come to me all on my own but BECAUSE she added them I started to wonder.
Then she said she felt sick and didnt want any lunch - but when I came in very quietly (OK yes I was spying) there she is stuffing her face with biscuits and cake which I leave by her side. She has been awake just over 4 hours and I have been in to speak to her chat wash clean her soiling clean the room 14 times which I think is pushing your luck really.
So what has she just done? Asked for coffee so I made her a latte just as she likes it and she now wants sugar in it - has NEVER taken sugar in anything. Then there was too much coffee in the cup - its dispensed mum it is always that amount.....well its too much Ive always thought so
I could see her fidgeting so I said lets get you across to the commode mum. I dont need to go there ...well I think you do... wasnt gonna happen. I came back in 5 minutes later and despite her reluctance I got her up and here we go again she wet and soiled herself in front of me. You wont be able to go out this afternoon you'll have to ring and cancel.
As I count 1 to 10 and find it needs to be 100000000000 I count to now.
Hmmmm OK lets try my theory. I went out of the room and 'made' a phone call. I know she could hear what I was saying because I was stood right by the door and I spoke louder than usual. When I finished my call, I waited a while then went back in. And what did she say. I feel much better now you could have gone after all
I havent told her yet but I havent cancelled I spoke to the phone not to anyone the other end so at 5pm I AM GOING OUT SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM
Whats your screaming point?
Back to your case, it's no wonder you need to scream. Your mother is seriously manipulative and abusive and you seem to feel helpless in the circumstances. Not true, but I know the feeling.
And perhaps the real truth is that you need to arrange for someone to look after your mother so you can go out. If money is an issue, find a family member, friend, neighbor, agency, charity, church or SOMETHING to provide regular respite.
And don't let your mother bully you out of doing this or whatever else you know is right. God bless.
The screaming came that night reflecting on that b--tch Peg. It's not enough she won't do anything, she must make me appear the villain. So selfish, so lazy, I don't have a problem with mean people, but mean people disguised as nice people sends me screaming into the night. After much reflection, I decided to forgive Peg, before I had a heart attack, this anger only hurts me and Dad. Somehow when I pity you, you no longer seem worth any other emotion. Pray for me, I am in for a rough ride, as Dad's Parkinson's goes into stage 5.
I feel for you on the Kleenex. I once overheard my sister referring to me as "the tissue Nazi" but then she wasn't the one who had to cope with hygiene or pick bits out of the tumble dryer.
The last time I screamed at my dad was something along the lines that "I wish SOMEONE would listen to me!" (Even before his dementia got bad, he thought his opinion was the only correct one.) But I scared my dog so badly that he never wanted to go into Dad's house with me...I had to clean up my act so my DOG would trust me again. I never screamed at Dad again, and I'm not one to go scream in the garage or the car, so that was it. I must say that "let it go" is a good mantra for me, but Dad NEVER would have been taken in to any of his children's homes...he lived alone with three visits daily from us, until we could trick him into the Memory Care home, so I was not dealing with what so many of you are dealing with.
Some things are simple, not necessarily easy!! ( Some things are neither) Bless You!
Now it's not really an issue anymore, because Mom is doing very little changing of her own clothes these days.
Screaming point 2 is filling out government forms. I'm on disability and every time I turn around there are more forms and every one of them wants something a different combination of copies of information. Getting 3 at once is enough to drive anyone over the edge. Getting denied for transportation to an out of county doctor because your actual miles differed with TMA's mapquest number by a mile or two is another screaming point. And apparently short jaunts off the given path for bathroom stops aren't allowed.
Let out a banshee wail in the garden recently which scared the heck out of my poor husband. Fortunately we get foxes so maybe the neighbours though it was them.
I am very lucky that my Mum is sweet natured but she does many of the things I've learned from this site are common with dementia sufferers. Packing to go home, the tissue folding/hoarding thing, etc.
What makes me go from calm to livid in a flash is incompetance, our health centre is high on my list. They have forgotten to do the tests which they took blood for, lost samples and turned up for a home appointment no-one told us about, which upset Mum. I know mistakes happen but it's the couldn't care less attitude. Just off to the garage, they say practice makes perfect.
Mom's recent fall was caused by her blacking out and falling out of her chair. Her doctor, who is Mom's age (and I think it's time he get out of the game), insists on putting on all her records that she "fell asleep and fell out of chair". (Which has led to me having to tell the story of her fall and how it happened over and over and over again to other docs, the home care nurse, the social worker, etc - because "fell asleep and fell out of chair" is on all the referrals!) I have told him repeatedly that he was NOT the one that was sitting 8 feet away and saw her fall, and the manner in which she fell. She was NOT asleep, she was unconscious, possibly not even breathing at that point. The only way I can describe her when she fell is "lifeless". The fall and slamming her head against the entertainment center jolted her back into consciousness. He refused to run more tests until I brought her back to his office, and she presented with shortness of breath and extreme fatigue, with O2 sat level in the low 80s. THEN he was willing to run an MRI and chest xray - but only then. Oh no, don't listen to the loved one who was there when the accident happened, just go off your own opinion and refuse to even consider that anything else could have happened. Idiot.
We are seeking a new doc this next week - a geriatric specialist.
Have you dip tested her urine? Were the proteins and leucocytes normal were the sodium levels normal
Have you sent it off for analysis?
Bp? (make sure YOU know what normal is for said person)
Bloods? (Ask what tests they have done)
CT scan of the head?
Electroencephelogram EEG?
Mental status tests?
Neuropsychological tests?
It doesnt really matter whether you KNOW what the results should be just that you are checking every angle.
By the way these are the ones MY MUM needs tohave checked if your loved one has other issues then there will be a whole new set of tests that WILL differ from this set
At least the docs KNOW I am on their case and that I take a serious interest and if they dont tell me in lay terms then I ask them to explain so I can understand. Yep Im a pain in the butt but h*ll I have rights too
Mums usual pulse rate is 70 but it can vary slightly, her usual SATS are at 96/97% which is really good for her age