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Hello I'm Joshua and i'm 17 years old. I am online schooled because I want to graduate early (which i am, i am graduating this December, a semester early and going to collage in the spring), I also am home schooled to take care of my grand mother. now I made a post before describing my situation. So if you want the back story look at my other post. But this question is something specific. Before I get into it thoe i would like to say my mother and I are addressing these problems with my grand mother to the best of ability. But I am turning to this community for help and support. It's just that I am home all the time so i am always the prime target for her abuse. But getting into the topic what is wrong with my grand mother. I don't mean this in a derogatory way, but I cant think of another way to put it. You see before i was taking care of her non stop. I cooked for her, gave her her pills, and did anything she asked. This was when I posted my first question. But about 1 week after I askedmy question she is fine. I mean like I went to bed Sunday night she is still week and fragile. Then on Monday morning she is up cooking for her self, taking care of her self, not falling, walking with out her walker, and I'm like what..... I'm happy to see her up again, but how do you go from me having to take care of you all day and tucking you in at night so you don't fall out of bed. To up, walking around with out your walker, eating fine, cooking, and generally doing things you did not before. She still however thinks that their are people inside the house, and that their is conspierousy against her, and that I do things that I don't. She blames me for small stuff like drinking her juice to big stuff like having people call her. She also is very abusive by being nice one monument then mean the next, she calls me names, and threatens to do stuff like have me arrested or throne into a boys home for nothing i did. So my question is basically what do you as a community think is wrong with my grand mother, and how do I help her? I am only 17 and their is only so much I know about this stuff. Do you have any coping ideas on how I can deal with my grand mother? Is my grandmother abusive?, Is it my fault?, is she mentally ill?, Can she call the police and get me arrested for something I did not do? I know their is only so much you can do or tell me, but anything is helpful. If you need more info ask questions and I will respond for more details.

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Thank you for your help I really do appreciate it. i do have one question. My mother and I have tried to get my grand mother evaluated, but she refuses to to go. How can I get her evaluated.
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Here is the previous post: https://www.agingcare.com/questions/i-need-help-with-my-abusive-grandmother-i-cook-for-her-give-her-her-pills-clean-and-answer-to-her-436183.ht

If I were a medical professional I certainly couldn't diagnose your grandmother without even seeing her or her records. Since I am only a member of an online support group, I'll give you my opinion: Your grandmother has been mentally ill all her adult life. It is possible that on top of that she has problems related to aging, such as dementia.

I conclude this from what you say she was like as a parent, and your description of her now. Healthy people do not abuse and alienate their children, for example. Also that she has delusions, sees people in the house who are not there, and is paranoid are all signs of mental illness, quite possibly dementia.

And as long as I'm offering opinions I'm not really qualified to have, what your grandmother desperately needs is a thorough medical exam, including mental health issues. And then a needs assessment can be done and resources identified to help poor grandma, who most likely never asked for these handicaps.

And what you should do is detach yourself from this situation. You are living in a very dysfunctional household. Not that anyone is trying to burden you that way, but it is what it is. You need some mental health counseling to overcome this background (which you mistakenly think is normal). But that can perhaps wait until you start college.

You are not planning to live at home while you go to college, are you? You really need to detach from this situation, and the sooner the better. Perhaps your mother, raised in a dysfunctional household sees this as normal. It is not.

How can she be helpless one day, and fairly independent the next? That is not unusual in dementia. That doesn't prove she has dementia, but it is one explanation. Or she could have gotten over some infection or other undiagnosed disease, and her improved health is what you see. I would caution you not to expect that this change will be permanent. Hooray if it is, but it is more likely to be part of an up-and-down pattern.

Is my grandmother abusive? Yes.
Is it my fault? Certainly not! What an absurd idea.
Is she mentally ill? Yes
Can she call the police and get me arrested for something I did not do? If she can still use the phone, she can probably make such a call. But that certainly doesn't mean you'd be thrown in a boys home! Can you imagine the phone call? "I want you to arrest my grandson. He drinks my orange juice without my permission!" Even if she makes up something more serious, she would need evidence for the police to be interested. If she says you are having people call her, all they would have to do is check with some of the people she claims have called to know she is wrong.

You are too old to fall for the "I'm going to call the police" threat. Tell her that she should do whatever she feels she needs to do. Actually, involving the police might not be a bad idea.
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First off, we can't look at your other post because you have your privacy settings set up so that we can't easily find it, and given that there are several teens who have posted on the forum I have no idea what your situation is.

To answer your question, paranoia is common in dementia, here is an article that might help:
www.agingcare.com/articles/hallucinations-delusions-and-paranoia-151513.htm
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