My partner of 18 years has been in memory care approximately 9 months. His only daughter who we don’t know well took over as surrogate trustee. I am POA and health care living will. She does not want to pay for her dad’s memory care here in Florida. Wants to take him to texas where she is and wants me to sign over my health care to her as she is alternate.
i will never do this moving him would be devastating for both of us. He is settled and comfortable with his surroundings. She wants to move him by June 1st should I pay the money and get guardianship?

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kountrysun: Retain an attorney posthaste, e.g. before your June 1, 2024 date.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Llamalover47

Being part of a blended family after the death of my mil & fil (2mo after mil passed, my fil passed) you’d have thought we didn’t know each other. Greed took over from my fil’s children who after 28yrs I’d never even heard of or met, resentments and jealousy came from the unexpected aunt bc nothing was left for her- therefore you (my Mr) don’t need anything either, he listened. The home was taken over by these children and 2 dogs brought so we couldn’t use our key to go in. Everything of my mil was trashed, black glad bag style. Her car supposedly coming to us was hidden but over $809 in red light tickets/parking/speeding statements sent to our home. Her bank, wiped within 12hrs of death. My husband is her only child. Her husband - the stepfather to my husband who bc of no will was told it all reverts to him. He was 97yrs old, deaf & had to sign with an X in front of a notary that he wants his “children” taking it all. Upon his death, we learned these are not his children at all. They’re the
children of an extended family member who visited for the summer when they were young. I’ve never seen anything like the greed I witnessed from blended family members. This made me immediately put my affairs in order & have notarized. 3 copies later with 1 at my attorneys ofc, 1 in a safe deposit & 1 with me.
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Reply to MSalazar227

You need an attorney. The trustee normally does not step in until after death, but there can be exceptions. He was probably named in the trust as the primary trustee of his own revocable trust. If he is unable to serve, or upon his death, the successor trustee has control of the trust. His daughter would likely prevail in court unless there is substantial evidence to show she is unfit or abandoned him. Unless he made legal changes to the trust you would likely have zero input as to its provisions. Obtaining guardianship would be a hard battle over family unless there are enough grounds to appoint you to that position. He didn’t have to marry - he just needed to make his wishes clear. You have POA while he is alive. Being trustee does not alter that. She may not have legal standing to make those decisions while he is living. Again, get qualified legal advice.
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Reply to jemfleming

Im kind of in the same boat, and have to have an elder law attorney. It is really helpful to have one to ask questions, they are expensive but so worth it.
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Reply to AmyLS572
AlvaDeer May 26, 2024
I agree.
I would contact an attorney, Pronto, I don't even think she has a right to become a surrogate trustee, that seems like a court action, after death. Alternative trustee is assigned and part of the Trust, do you know how he had everything set up? If she is a surrogate, she probably has an attorney involved with court rulings. Do you know?

I am so sorry that you are having to fight this battle while losing your partner.

Be sure and ask the attorney about handling the trust for his care and keep. Even if it has to be a third party person, his trust should be paying his bills, even if it is an irrevocable trust.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal

I just completed Guardianship, and it took us 3 months to complete it. His daughter will certainly contest your motion for Guardianship. I reccomend you find a lawyer specializing in elder law ASAP. In the state of Iowa the cost was about $5,000.00
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Reply to bgblck69
AlvaDeer May 26, 2024
Boy are you lucky to have this done for that amount of money. A simple Trust today costs that much. Any contested move by our OP here with a daughter already in place through likely court ordered surrogacy is looking at 10k minimally, and likely that to just get a court hearing at step one.
Time to lawyer up as it sounds like she’s going to make things difficult
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Jada824

I’d think a child would come before a girlfriend but I don’t know.
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Reply to ZippyZee
AlvaDeer May 22, 2024
Partner of 18 years not really a girlfriend.
And of course, ha ha, it all depends upon the CHILD!
I am partners with someone going on 36 years now. Had two marriages behind me. I MUCH prefer this. But we HAVE worked out all the accounts, paperwork and etc.
After 35 years seems that his kids are kind of like mine and mine kind of like his, but then they are all pretty good kids and we try to be pretty good parents, so that along with steel trap paperwork done by excellent attorneys works quite well. For US at least. And because we both did raise two kids each we have sort of kept it divided out so that our kids get our assets. Eventually. If they can outlive us! ha ha. I will say that I have no trouble with knowing and recognizing my own age (I DO have mirrors), but to have a daughter 62 and a SIL 70 in a few days seems.....................strange. Then, look what happened to Jeff Daniels. One second I am watching him as a young married professor in Terms of Endearment and the next he is looking old enough to ask out! How does this all happen?
I am hoping my partner stays strong enough to make my decisions for me when I can no longer. If not, my daughter is the second. And of course a Trust and whomever is the TRUSTEE of said Trust says NOTHING about who the beneficiary is.
I missed that this isn't a married couple; so thanks for that ZZ. She is still the POA. In CA we have a choice for domestic partners. So my partner and that are that. Doesn't much change my opinion. Our kids go on with their lives and their families. They are grownups. Hopefully we have a good strong relationship to get us through our elder years. But that's a big ask.
I will say, in an instance like this, if the partner of two decades goes to war with a child, the partner ALREADY having the POA, the partner will likely win guardianship, but I will also say it's quite sad there isn't a good relationship between these two after all this time. Blended families are a mess when the ingredients don't meld.
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Guardianship would give you absolute power over your husband/partner going forward. However, it doesn’t change the trust.

Know that the daughter would have to be notified by the court that the guardianship is being filed for and she might make a better case for it than you. There is always that chance. Sometimes when it is contentious between family members, the court appoints a guardian that is neither person. You won’t be able to do anything before June 1 but hold firm until you get legal guidance.
Does your pt have the funds to pay for his memory care w/o her involvement, without the trust funds?
Is the trust an irrevocable trust? Does your POA give you any direction on trusts? You need to read it along with a qualified certified, well experienced elder care attorney who also deals with trusts.
Please don’t wait to get an attorney.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to 97yroldmom

Dont sign anything and get a lawyer and cut off contact with her . Tell His memory care he is not to be Moved out By the daughter . She is worried about her inheritance that is all . Dont give her anything . Find an elder attorney In Florida and tell them of your concerns . There are some listed here under topics or Go on YELP for reviews or ask your local senior center .She has a lot of nerve and is being greedy and could careless about her father .
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to KNance72

No, guardianship would have nothing to do with the TRUST. The assets in a trust don't belong to the person for whom you are guardian. They belong to the TRUST. They are no longer owned by your hubby. BUT a TRUSTEE has no right to move your hubby. Your hubby isn't a fund in that trust, he is your husband and you as his POA have all the rights you need to protect him. SEE AN ATTORNEY.

I don't know what you mean by Surrogate Trustee actually. I was, when my brother fell ill with Lewy's Dementia, made the Trustee of his Trust. Pure and simple. So I am not knowing much about surrogacy in this definition other than it seems like this would be the successor trustee appointed by a court to act when the Trustor is unable????

You say that YOU are POA.

She here is what we have (other than the need for a GOOD ATTORNEY FOR YOU RIGHT NOW).
You are WIFE and POA. That means that all money that is NOT IN THE TRUST is yours to manage. You need to act at once to get that money into a POA account where you manage ALL THOSE FUNDS.
You also, as the WIFE are the next of kind and are given the MPOA. This means you can place him and decide where to place him.

Now, when he needs more funds those wanting payment for his care will be on the DOORSTEP of that Trustee, and will be wanting any funds that are not in an IRREVOCABLE Trust.

Welcome to the world of BLENDED FAMILY. As Dr. Laura says, it's usually more like a bad salad.
You need an attorney to protect your and your husband's rights and assets. As POA that comes out of Hubby's funds.

I wish you the best of luck. Whatever is drawn into the trust belong to the trust and the surrogate trustee will manage. Whatever is NOT listed as property of the trust (stocks? CD? Annuities? Checking accounts? Savings accounts, etc) is for YOU TO MANAGE, not the surrogate trustee.

GOOD LUCK. Remember when you need EXPERT advice you go to an expert. That's not us. THat's an attorney. You are going to need a good chart. A olumn ne for "This is my power". "This is the Trust's business". Your husband's body, his care, is directed by you. She directs whatever he placed in a Trust (the home, whatever? ) You will note things that belong to the trust because they will clearly say "in Trust".

You know how they always say "this isn't rocket science?" Well, THIS IS. Get an attorney at once.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Fawnby May 22, 2024
She says he’s her partner. Looks like they’re not married. Maybe his daughter sees a wedge there.
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