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Hired a family friend to care of my 90 yr old mom. She feeds her breakfast and lunch, microwave meals mostly, sits with her and watches TV mostly, like a day sitter. Mom cannot clean or cook so she lives with me. I work. Aide is there during the day. She does mom's laundry and gives her a weekly bath but doesn't do much else. Doesn't want to clean up after mom when she makes a mess in the bathroom. Been balking at laundering the stinky towels my mom uses to wash up. Can't seem to get laundry completely done in a day. Doesn't do vacuuming or dish washing. We pay the aide $18/hr by cash and check. I don't think she is claiming taxes and her pay is slightly less than an agency. Mom doesn't have a lot of cash. I've been told by mom that aide is sleeping during the day. Not sure if we should get someone more professional and don't know what they should be doing for mom.

are you aware that the friend shouldn’t be claiming taxes? You should be automatically withholding and paying all taxes, as her employer.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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Ask aide to clean bathroom daily, explain what your idea of clean looks and smells like. Ask her what cleaning products, gloves, scented trash bags she would like you to provide to make it more pleasant. Ask her to put laundry in first so will have time to wash and dry before end of her shift. Ask if you should buy vinegar, baking soda, essential oils for better laundry scents. Ask her to bathe mom 2xs weekly, Tues & Thurs. Ask her to wash up the bfast and lunch dishes daily. Show her the vacuum, how to set it and turn it on, empty it when full, and how to roll up the cord when finished. Ask her to vacuum 3xs week, Mon-Wed-Fri. Call her and check in on did mom eat bfast? Is the kitchen cleaned up? How is mom is doing after her bath? Remind her it's Monday and carpets need a vacuum. She will learn. Communication is key and plenty of good help out there, you just need to find it.
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Reply to wnewton
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You are being taken advantage of by this "friend."

I would contact an agency and get someone new right away.

This is just gut wrenching that she finds tv watching, sleeping and not doing her job an acceptable way to treat her friends, that is where the saying, "with friends like you, who needs enemies!" comes from.

Your mom deserves to be treated with more dignity than this person is showing her. Who is pig enough to not help a senior have a clean bathroom and self. Especially being paid really good money.

To do list or not, she has obviously told you she doesn't want to do certain things, then doesn't do them. What would she say if you told her on payday that you didn't want to pay her? Yeah, not likely. I would get her social security number and send her a 1099 at the end of the year. This will protect mom in the event she needs Medicaid.

I would remove all valuables, she obviously has an entitlement issue and she has already stolen time by not working when she is on duty, so no doubt she is likely to help make herself feel justified by accepting gifts for her self from your home.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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She should be busy for most of the day. Like a JOB. This is a job, which she does not seem to be aware of. And that's darn good money!!! She needs to earn it. I would talk to her AND start looking for someone better.
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Reply to againx100
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Stayingyoung, by chance did you draw up an Employment Contract for the Aide? If not, do one now. https://www.agingcare.com/documents/personal_care_agreement_AgingCare.pdf

You can tell the Aide that you need this Contract in case in the future your Mom needs to apply for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. That way when there is a look-back by Medicaid, they won't claim that the money given to the Aide was a gift.

On this Contract, you can list things you want the Aide to do. Sounds like the Aide is unsure about her duties and this will clarify.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Well ,I am an aid and yes laundry is included and light housekeeping and yes dishes suppose to be wash. She is suppose to have the place clean when she leaves.
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Reply to Talcarey
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Everything you say she won’t do is a fairly complete list of all things the aides my Mother had did do. And for $18 per hour.

all of that comes with the job.

the aides were required to write into the log book everything they did...and anything that happened.

The day started with stripping the bed and towels and starting the first load of laundry. Keeping an eye on it to keep it moving along till the last load was out and folded. The. Remake the bed.

Make breakfast. Clean up the dishes. Make sure Mom takes the pills for after breakfast. All the while..moving the laundry along and making sure mom gets to the bathroom and is clean coming out. Mom liked to spend the morning in PJs and read the paper. So, no TV

make lunch. Clean up the dishes...and the kitchen.

Take mom for a walk if she it up to it. For my mom there were speech practice sheets to be done...assigned by the therapist.

make sure mom get to the bathroom and cleanup before returning,

be available to assist it taking her to to doctor appointments...this usually required the wheelchair, so 2 people just made more sense.

there were a host of memory games that were recommended by occupational therapy...so pick one or two to play in the afternoon. Usually mom would fall asleep by mid afternoon...so this was a good chance to get the beds made and the entry in the log book done.

The lunch menu was made by me and usually was chopped fresh fruit and one her favorite soups.

this was all very basic stuff.

If the aide aide doesn’t want to do her job...go find one that wants to earn that pay.

PS... both of the aides I had for Mom were close friends, and started as friends of the family. This in no way prevented me from setting out schedules and required work in enough detail that they knew what was required. NEVER had an issue with any of it. Both of these lady’s were great and I rewarded them well, beyond the basic pay.
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Reply to Katiekate
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Are you content with the present arrangement?
Did you and the aide discuss and develop a list of job requirements/obligations before she started getting paid?
Perhaps the aide needs more structure from you, or perhaps she finds it satisfying to sleep and watch TV and be paid $18/hour.
I think you should be able to do better, either by clarifying your expectations and assuming she may bail out on you and your mother, or by simply telling her that you’ve decided to “make some changes” in your mom’s care and letting her go.

”Moms laundry” certainly includes towels in my world, and cleaning up a messy bathroom, washing breakfast and lunch dishes isn’t hard labor.

It May be that as a “family friend” this person doesn’t totally realize that she is expected to do specific important tasks for the money she is paid.

See what happens if you decide to “tighten the reins”.
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Reply to AnnReid
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