So what I was wondering... I pay a friend $18.00 an hour to be here for respite for me. Granted she's good with mom and they get along well. She bathes her, dresses her, helps her to the chairside commode wipes her and waits on her hand and foot. Mom's supposed to be walking every two hours to help regain strength in her legs. Therapists reiterated this today with us. Also I feel mom's capable of wiping her own self! Anyway I'm seeing mom sleeping most of the day while I'm paying good money for someone to watch her SLEEP? I'm getting fed up. Yes the help does housework too couldn't ask for a better helper, just can't see continuing this farse.

cant you just go over your concerns with your friend?

just get what ever is bothering you out in the open?

she might think shes doing a great job. if you don't say anything, how can she know how you feel?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to wally003

Is there any reason why your mother is not paying for this care? She should be, if she can. The caregiver is there for her benefit, not yours.

But other than that... waking or sleeping, your mother does need a reliable person in the house with her at all times, no? Don't you think she does?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Countrymouse

I’m not certain what you mean by “farce”. Are you angry with your friend for not providing ongoing physical therapy for your mom, or are you angry with Mom for sleeping and expecting everything to be done for her?

Is your friend a trained caregiver? When you hired her, did you draw up a Caregivers Agreement that you both signed and was certified by an attorney? Were you very, very specific about what her duties would be with your mother? It truly sounds like she does quite a bit. She cares for Mom and also does housework. You say you couldn’t ask for a better helper but then you say you’re “sick of this farce”. Perhaps you need to rework the agreement, if there is one, and ask her to spend more time doing therapy with mom instead of cleaning your house. Was the caregiver there when the therapists came? Mom may be on meds that sedate her and your friend may be fearful of getting her up and walking—that she might fall. If your friend was not there when the therapist was, she may benefit from a conversation with the therapist and some on-the-job training.

You also have the option to hire a professional caregiver through an agency.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Ahmijoy

So I assume your mom walks to the table for breakfast, lunch and dinner and from there to the bathroom or chair or bed, does that not count? Have you asked the caregiver to take her for a walk around the block (or down the hall if in an apt), and would your mom be compliant if your friend tried?

You mention respite - usually that a term is used for a few hours per week, how much time is your mom in her care?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to cwillie

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