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It is so true: it takes the TEAM to manage and find the best solutions for the patient and the caregiver

There are local in person support agencies and groups. The internet has thousands of caregiver support blogs and groups.

In like to spend my time with my ADW collecting and pulling together blogs for caregivers and seniors etc,

You can Google 4 me: Dave+Mainwaring+Knowledge+Networks

discover the array of blogs I feed, (please include the + between words or get thousands of hits)
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I think letting others care for her might be the only way to go. She fights everything I do tooth and nail. The only thing she seems to want me to do is get cigarettes or pick her xanax up when either runs out. I want to make sure she's getting treatment or being looked at for her health to maximize her later years or at least improve them, and she wants someone to drop everything and buy her cigarettes or xanax or fast-food when she wants it. Then if I'm annoyed because I'm at work or doing something I get labeled as mean and abusive! It's time to see about someone else helping her at this point!
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It may be time to let someone suggest placement. Let it be someone else's call. How much Xanax does your mom take? that's a powerfully addicting drug in some folks and she be more closely monitored than she can be living alone at home. If your mom has mentioned the "abuse" word, then it's time to let others take over. There are some really said stories on this board about folks who kept trying to help after a demented parent said "you're abusing me". Unless you have loads of money for lawyers, I would take this as a cue to let the doctor and social worker do the heavy lifting.
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I agree with the others. It may be time to let others decide. You should be present when the SW is there. Are you POA of your mother? The SW will be looking for safety things. Like loose throw rugs, smoke detectors, etc. She will be looking at your relationship with mom. She will be looking at the condition of the home, food, way to cook food, toilet bathroom situations, heat sources, air conditioning. is it a safe neighborhood. Is mother dressed in clean clothes, is she bathing, is her hair fixed and clean. Is there still running water etc. This is just my opinion though. It sounds like mom has more than a little dementia. It sounds like full blown dementia. If she is accusing you of abuse, that is another story. You might have to place her in a facility.
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I also wonder about her use of Xanax. I was under the impression that it was not for the elderly.
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That stamp collection could be quite valuable by now--and an unscrupulous dealer could lowball a price and not give you a fair value. Catch her in the right mood and try to get it before she gives it away.
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