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I'm 19 and it's just my dad and I taking care of her. She is slightly less tempermental with me because I know how to walk on eggshells around her but she will (for example) refuse to go to the bathroom although it is obvious she soiled herself and start screaming "NO NO NO" and swearing very vulgarly if we even suggest it. She is just very stubborn and resistant to do anything if we dont tip toe around to make her feel like it was her idea.
It's like having a child who throws temper tantrums every minute. She hits my dad, and hits me too on occasion.

I just feel like she was at least a little happier in the skilled nursing care but there they don't understand her communication problems and would be happy to just let her sit soiled if she said "no."

I try to be home as much as possible but even when I am I cant always relieve the situation (esp right now I have a cold and a heavy schoolwork load) and it has to be much more difficult for my dad than he admits.

She did not behave this way towards nurses, just us.

I just am not sure what to do. I cant live at home until she is retirement age but I cant let my dad do this by himself.

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Well be sure your dad understands that 1/3 of caregivers die before the person they're caring for does. If your dad kills himself in taking care of your mom, where will your mom be at that point? And the answer (hopefully) is NOT living with you.
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Hey guys, thanks for the sympathy it helps.
To answer your questions:
1) Yeah it was "professional opinions" that sent her home.
2) I've tried really hard to work with our insurance case manager and get her more time in-patient but they just wont do it. We have a new plan to at least extend in home therapy (get the botox doctor to recommend it, something similar has worked before) but it's mostly the pain of caregiving
3) Yes I meant that I cant live at home 10+ years. I guess we will eventually have to put her back out-of-pocket or hire professional caregivers.

4) smlyng09: Thank you thank you that's a lot of help i will look into it. The problem is that I am okay, I take time off a lot (and I feel so guilty for it) and I can even sleep at my girlfriend's and stuff but no matter how hard I try to get my dad to take time off he simply WONT. I will be home and tell him to go have a coffee at least somewhere else and he just wont take a break ever.
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OMG, you poor folks with these young parents who have had strokes! My heart goes out to you. All I can say is get your mom to a facility where she's not taking your dad and you down with her. If she's presenting issues for professionals, how do they think you two would be able to take care of her? That's crazy.

You're too young to be giving up your life for your mom. I agree with getting her back into skilled nursing care somewhere. I have a friend who had a stroke at about 58 and now lives in assisted living. It's awful for her, but she's single without kids and needs the support for activities of daily living.

And please take care of YOUR health, so that you don't repeat whatever led to your mom's stroke. Did she have high blood pressure or a history of strokes in her family? Hugs to you!!
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My father is also 54 and had a massive stroke earlier this year. We had to fight fight fight the hospital and rehab facility to get someone to do a psych evaluation for my dad. Lucky for us, the rehab facility had someone come perform an evaluation as it was needed for Medicaid/SSI application, which is how they would eventually get paid, so it was in their best interest. This helped get my dad on some heavy duty mood behavior type medicines needed to stabilize him.

I'm not sure what insurance you have, but another idea would be to check out DADS (Department of Aging and Disability Services) they can suggest other options for you. A few suggested adult day care, having a sitter, or someone coming to help your mom had home. We are exploring the feasibility of these options for when my dad goes home.

Hang in there. My brother and I are taking care of my dad as we are all he has left. Because of the location of his stroke, it affected his mood, behavior, and memory. He is often easily agitated and aggressive and vulgar. My brother and I often have our breaking points at different times, where one of us will step back for a few days while the other takes over. You deserve a break occasionally as well and so does your father, or it will take a toll on you. Its odd but like your mother, my father is only mean to family and nice to the nurses.
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Was it the opinion of the medical professionals that she could be managed at home? From what you describe, she needs skilled nursing. Talk to her doctor about this as an option.
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I thought she meant she can't live at home for 10+ years. No 19 year old should have this kind of responsibility or be expected to give up college and live at home.
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Triplethreat: You said "I can't live at home until she is of retirement age..." Please explain. Never heard of that.
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Hey guys. She was in acute rehab for 4 months and then skilled nursing rehab for 3.5 months and it's been about 1.5 months since she moved home and the home therapy is slowing down now. I know its a lot of challenges for her but we do everything we can I even took a semester off from college last year.

How do I go about finding a psychiatrist for her when she is aphasic?
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triplethreat, come to think of it, have your Mom tested for UTI [urinary track infection] because as we get older, a UTI causes different symptoms compared to when we were young and had a UTI. UTI can cause meanness in an older person.
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She needs a full psychiatric evaluation and proper medications. If she was happier in skilled nursing, get her back there. Save Dad from the abuse.
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Think of it this way, your Mom is quite young at 54, and to have had a stroke must be devastating for her. I know I would be angry if that had happened to me.

I assume the stroke now causes her difficultly on one side of her body, thus walking would be difficult, and if she was right handed and that side was affected it's not easy to re-learn to use her left hand, or vise versa. Lot of challenges for her. She lashes out to you and your Dad because she is upset. And I bet she is doing through menopause on top of that. Yikes.

What kind of physical therapy has she had? If she can start to see improvements then maybe she would feel better about herself.
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