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Hello to all. My Father's dementia got much worse last year. He has a long time partner that is his full time caregiver and POA she also lives beside him. We tried a home health aid but he didn't like people coming into the house and they were not well trained in dementia care. He needs to go into a facility but doesn't want to. I'm out of state and I don't know what to do. He gave his caregiver POA and health POA years ago. She has been in charge of his finances for years. Now that he's difficult and needs 24/7 care she wants me to take over. I suggested facilities, another home agency, transferring him to my state, adult day care but she keeps saying she wants me to be the one to put him in a facility in his current state. What can I do for them I'm out of state with no POA. Any thoughts are welcome.

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You can check with the lawyers of his state, but, I don't know how his existing POA and HCPOA can transfer it to you. Have you viewed the document? I'd get it and have an Elder Law attorney in his state review for an opinion.  Maybe, you are listed as the Alternate. That might be the case.

Is dad competent or inclined to appoint you as DPOA and HCPOA now? If not, I'd consult with the attorney about your options. I don't know of any other way to take over making decisions for him without a Guardianship. Will his caretaker and partner support you on this? If dad resists, and he needs Memory Care, it may be the only way to ensure that he's placed. I wouldn't wait for a crisis. If the caretakers are not able to continue, I'd figure it out now. I'd hate for them to just leave without making other arrangements. Likely dad is giving them a hard time and they can't take it anymore. That's what I would suspect.

Regardless, of which route you take, you'll need to go to his location and take care of the matters.  Or, I suppose that the current caretakers can seek the help of Adult Protective Services and ask them to take over. 
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