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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Never ask "do you want..." just do it. It use to drive me nuts when a healthcare worker would say "Do you want..." of course Mom would say No. They are like toddlers. You say "time to get changed" or "time to get dressed" Or as said, you just lead her to the bathroom. Never did I "ask" my Mom. It was always "time for a shower" "you need a change".
My DD is an RN and says you need to make them feel they made the decision if you get a no answer. "Mom, don't you think you would feel much better if you had a nice shower and clean clothes" You may get a yes. Or Mom, "you really don't want to sit in those messy panties so lets change them" hopefully u get an OK.
Caring for an alzheimer/dementia patient is a dictatorship not a democracy.
My mother wears fleece pajama pants and a pullover crew neck shirt every day.
I change her clothes daily and her diaper probably 2-3 times a day, depending on her level of incontinence - all when she is on the toilet and her pants are already pulled down.
Sometimes she will grasp her diaper and clothes and try to stop me from pulling them down over her feet but I do it anyway.
When changing her shirt, I just pull it over her head and off her arms. Once I get a clean shirt over her head, she will push her arms through.
As far as the anger goes - you can't control someone's anger. You're caring for your mother and can't allow her emotional responses to be a detriment to her own good.
Stop. Breathe. Wait for calm to be restored. Then try again.
Try some tricks..
Don't ask "Do you want to change clothes?" Say "It's time to freshen up."
Avoid mention of boring tasks, avoid explaining with logic, avoid increasing her embaressment or shame.
"Come with me" as you lead into the bathroom. (Half the battle done). "While we are here may as well..."
If she is someone who likes to keep control, try flipping the question to get the answer you want. eg Do you want to feel fresh & clean? You might get a yes.. (with some luck).
Do you want to wash, shower, change clothes, change more likely to get a No.
We’ve found if we out the water on in the tub before she dresses, she thinks she started the tub and gets in. Same with pills - put them in a little cup next to her plate- thinks she did it and not tussle. Early - mod dementia.
With my mom, I have told all her caregivers to be assertive and nicely tell her what's going to happen instead of asking. She can still say no but, at least with a yes or no question, my mom will usually pick no.
So, in a nice calm voice you say something like "OK mom it's time to change your pullup". Does she help pick out her clothes? If so, offer her 2 options. Would you prefer blue pajamas or red pajamas? If she has a hard time deciding, I say things like "I think the blue ones would be good" and hope she goes along with it.
If your mom is angry, why is she angry? Because you want her to change? If so, give it a bit of time where she might have forgotten or at least calmed down.
My mom is in a memory care facility and she had been fiercely resisting the caregivers, yelling at them and me too. Her doctor recommended putting her on Seroquil which really helped reduce her frustrations of having dementia and stabilized her moods.
LisaS2023: Employ tactics such as 'Mom, after we get you cleaned up, hair done, et al, then we will both have an ice cream cone. That does sound wonderful! I can't wait for MY ice cream cone. I am going to have strawberry.' Emphasize the result. Make it a grandiose plan.
Geriatric Psychiatrist can prescribe sedatives and sleep aids. Perhaps nursing and then into Memory care? It may take a village to win this battle......it's right up there with taking the car away.
Some great answers and ideas here. I don’t have that but just want to say that I don’t plan on spending my last days as a burden to my family. I think that we are living longer and that’s not necessarily a good thing. I’m looking at the quality of life and what I have to contribute to my community and my family. Prior to reaching a point where I am unable to care for myself I hope to, be lucid enough to make the decision to go off any medication. I’m currently on that prolong my life. I’m currently on blood pressure medication and cholesterol along with a lifelong prescription of antidepressants when I reach that age I will also stop getting any vaccines or preventative care even antibiotics to treat myself. I will want to go naturally on my own terms, leaving my adult children to lead their lives. But that’s just me.
See if you can catch the funny ( to me anyway) commercial with the mom and daughter and grandchild where mom says to her daughter " Face it you're a leaker, now"(?)) Then shows the daughter her leak proof underwear.
Have you considered using a warm water bidet attachment? Perhaps if his privates can be washed down while he’s already on the toilet it might be easier? Starting there at least assures some level of cleanliness. A quick wash cloth clean up from there might work. As someone suggested once a person is sitting on a toilet it’s easy to change pants.
I know my mom hated showering because she was always cold. I made sure to close the bathroom door, turn up the heat and get the shower warmed. Called it a spa day where I had warm towels and robe waiting for her. I used a shower chair so she didn’t have to stand (hand held shower wand) and washed her hair with her head back like a salon so she didn’t feel like she was drowning.
Eventually though, it was sponge baths and dry shampoo as her illness progressed.
A full on shower is an American standard of cleanliness but there are other ways to get someone hygienically clean.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My DD is an RN and says you need to make them feel they made the decision if you get a no answer. "Mom, don't you think you would feel much better if you had a nice shower and clean clothes" You may get a yes. Or Mom, "you really don't want to sit in those messy panties so lets change them" hopefully u get an OK.
My mother wears fleece pajama pants and a pullover crew neck shirt every day.
I change her clothes daily and her diaper probably 2-3 times a day, depending on her level of incontinence - all when she is on the toilet and her pants are already pulled down.
Sometimes she will grasp her diaper and clothes and try to stop me from pulling them down over her feet but I do it anyway.
When changing her shirt, I just pull it over her head and off her arms. Once I get a clean shirt over her head, she will push her arms through.
As far as the anger goes - you can't control someone's anger. You're caring for your mother and can't allow her emotional responses to be a detriment to her own good.
You are right and it's the only way. Caregiving for dementia is a dictatorship and not a democracy. Too true.
Try some tricks..
Don't ask "Do you want to change clothes?"
Say "It's time to freshen up."
Avoid mention of boring tasks, avoid explaining with logic, avoid increasing her embaressment or shame.
"Come with me" as you lead into the bathroom. (Half the battle done). "While we are here may as well..."
If she is someone who likes to keep control, try flipping the question to get the answer you want.
eg Do you want to feel fresh & clean?
You might get a yes.. (with some luck).
Do you want to wash, shower, change clothes, change more likely to get a No.
So, in a nice calm voice you say something like "OK mom it's time to change your pullup". Does she help pick out her clothes? If so, offer her 2 options. Would you prefer blue pajamas or red pajamas? If she has a hard time deciding, I say things like "I think the blue ones would be good" and hope she goes along with it.
If your mom is angry, why is she angry? Because you want her to change? If so, give it a bit of time where she might have forgotten or at least calmed down.
Good luck!
One of the few commercials I don't tire of.
I know my mom hated showering because she was always cold. I made sure to close the bathroom door, turn up the heat and get the shower warmed. Called it a spa day where I had warm towels and robe waiting for her. I used a shower chair so she didn’t have to stand (hand held shower wand) and washed her hair with her head back like a salon so she didn’t feel like she was drowning.
Eventually though, it was sponge baths and dry shampoo as her illness progressed.
A full on shower is an American standard of cleanliness but there are other ways to get someone hygienically clean.
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