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My mom has been increasing in her agitation of living with me. She is back to protesting taking her meds. Complaining about the caregiver (and the caregiver is doing a great job keeping mom's room clean, laundry done, meals prepared, etc). I also have a camera and can see what happens in my home when I'm not there.
I'm concerned that because my mother is not listening to me, she will get worse if she stays "protesting " everything I say. She will refuse to eat what I fix (even though it is the things she likes). She swears I'm trying to harm her and she is the one lately hitting me when she gets mad. I walk away and tell her that it's not nice to hit people and if she keeps it up, then she can't be my roommate anymore. She doesn't care what I say to her. She is always threatening to beat me. I believe she sees me as a child and so she can't take me "suggesting " things to her. There are days she doesn't wash, but she thinks she does or I'm "disrespectful" for even suggesting that she washes. If I can't get her to take her meds then what do I do? She is diabetic (managing through food and exercise which she has not been exercising in months and I cook because she can't). She also has high blood pressure.


I got a list from her case manager to look up memory care facilities and started calling last week. Do I need to be ready to move her in 3-6 months or is this another phase? FYI, my mother has always been a selfish, stubborn, controlling and mean person. Now, this seems to the 3rd degree!

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Sista, she needs to be in a controlled environment with professional care. As Madge says, memory care is not a cure all. But at least you don't have to be the warden.
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Thanks everyone. MsMadge, mom has anti-anxiety meds, she refuses meds 70% of the time. I'm already crushing sleep meds for her hallucinations, but if she refuses to eat, then can't get it in her. We have liquid anxiety meds, but hard to get it in her drink/food. She doesn't want people to touch her food. It requires serious convincing to serve her meals, everyday. She was STARVING right now because she has been protesting eating anything I make for her. She only had breakfast yesterday at 10 am (bowl of cereal). It's 7pm here. She FINALLY let me give her the food. She agreed to take 2 meds. None of them can be crushed so this is first med since Sunday and first meal since yesterday's breakfast.
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we placed my Dad when he had a spell of 36 hours straight up and angry. No sleep for anyone, Mom, dad and I sleeping in the rec room so he was contained, Hubs helping out.. we were all fried! We got a 30 day respite admission, and hard as it was we all needed it. He was pretty much fine, thought he was in a hotel, and we visited every day.
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If your mom is becoming increasingly agitated and uncooperative with the caregiver then see if there are anti anxiety meds that can be given

Memory care facilities are not a magic cure all - they just tolerate the behaviors more than regular assisted living facilities

If however you are at the end of your rope then start looking now and get a plan in place

Mom's needs both mentally and physically will increase and it's so much more difficult to make a decision when in a crisis mode with the clock ticking
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You could keep toughing this out at home but I doubt you can keep this up much longer. I just got my folks in assisted living, mom with slight dementia and major mobility issues, Dad with moderate moving to severe dementia.

Dad will probably be moved to the memory care area pretty soon. He’s calm most of the time but “Sundowns” hard each night.

I had a week from hell moving these guys into care. Mom hates me, says I dumped her in a prison, but this is a pretty high end place. Every need dealt with.

Your mom, nor mine, is never going to be happy. It’s just the way it goes at this age. Big changes, difficult adjustments.

Pretty soon your gonna just have to plow ahead in spite of the anger and tears. It sucks. But my folks are now safe and cared for. I’m sleeping at night now.
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